F(19) and M(19), we’ve been talking for a while and things developed quite well between us. He’s a good guy and I know how rare that is to find (I told him it’s probably 2% or less of men that are as genuine and kind as he is) but I’ve got a lot going on with university, family life and friendships so I just know that the timing isn’t great. I don’t want to take breaks after breaks trying to get my life together to maintain what I have with him because it puts too much pressure on me.
I know he loves me enough to wait but I can’t tell if that’s a selfish thing for me to ask for from him. I don’t think a guy with better morals who’s willing to wait until marriage exists so I’m not sure. Thoughts?
You will never know the perfect person until 30 years after you’ve married them.
He’s not the one for you and you don’t love him. When you find the man that is, there will be no such thing as “wrong time.” Nothing will stop you from making time in your life for that person.
Give it to him straight so he can move on. Trust me. Telling him to wait for you, only for him to watch you fall in love with someone else and give that man everything you said you didn’t have time to give him will be devastating.
You will often have two options. You go with it, or you go.
It sounds cliche, but you’re young. You will likely meet several “perfect” people. You can always hope they’ll do well.
I have a friend who found out the hard way something that years of therapy affirmed… the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person.
You’re 19. You’ve not met the perfect person or best match for you, especially since the perfect person doesn’t exist.
-Signed a 43 year old
Lifes always going to be stressful with a lot of stuff going on. You can keep waiting for the right time but the right time might not ever come.
Whats the time reference here? U know he loves you?
Just be upfront about expectations.
It sounds like you think hes the guy to eventually settle for or with? Ie your looking for fun right now rather than security?
Swallow
If he’s really the perfect person, you should do this with him supporting you, not set him aside for a better time.
Let him go.
It’ll hurt him less if you do it now.
Come on, you are 19 and you think you know that less that 2% if men are as kind as him?
You are 19, do not put too much pressure on yourself. He may seem like the perfect person now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t meet someone else who is just as good or even better when the time comes around where you will actually feel ready to settle down. Do not put all your eggs into one basket.
i can tell you right now that your “perfect” person right now might not be the perfect person in the future. there is zero reason to rush. none. when you are 25-30, that is when you will actually know what your perfect person will be like.
Unfortunately he isn’t perfect….
Because if he was…. You wouldn’t be pushing him away until things get better.
The thing is…. Life isn’t perfect…. There isn’t going to be a moment where nothing is going on.
So if you want to be in a relationship with him…. Just do it.
If not, let him go.
He would be an idiot to wait until things become “better”