I’m trying to figure out if I’m being overly cautious or if my feelings are valid. I’m feeling really conflicted and could use outside perspective.
My friend of ten years coworker (M34) (who I don’t know at all) offered to buy plane tickets to Japan for me and my friend (Both F24). He’s married and has kids and currently has issues with his wife. (She apparently used his business bank account for cosmetic surgery.) My friend also has already messaged him saying yes to the offer, and he’s still willing to buy the tickets.
The problem is that I feel really uncomfortable with this. It’s a huge expense, I don’t know him, and something about accepting that kind of money from a married man I’ve never met just doesn’t sit right with me. My friend is telling me to cancel my existing plans and just go, but I really don’t feel okay doing it.
Now I feel guilty because she already said yes on my behalf, but I don’t think I should have to do something I’m uncomfortable with just because of that.
WIBTA for wanting to back out, or is it reasonable to say no even at this point?
EDIT:
He’s previously gifted her other things before like a new set of tires. I guess he used to own a business and sold it so he has money to spare. He wouldn’t be going and it would just be my friend and I.
NTA.
This is like high risk of being trafficked or worse.
It sounds like they’re offering the friend the tickets and you’re just along for the ride. If you’ve never met him, it’s kind of a ‘nothing to lose, everything to gain’ from my perspective.
YWNBTA for discomfort level.
Edit after reading the other comments: Verify if this coworker is close to your friend or does stuff like this often.
I’ll take sex trafficking for $1,000 Alex.
Assuming that the OP is female like the friend, that was my take, too. The only worse visual would be if this married man was offering free airfare to the Middle East rather than Japan.
That would be my concern as well.
I won’t deny this dude might have weird ulterior motives, but- How exactly would someone get sex trafficked by having someone buy them an airplane ticket?
Absolutely NTA.
This is *very weird*. Depending on your ages, it could actually be something that has massive alarm bells, and about which you should not only refuse but warn your friend against.
Regardless of that component, though, it is entirely understandable that you feel uncomfortable with this, and your friend has no right to answer on your behalf or attempt to force you into it.
You are 100% within your right to put your foot down on this, and you should.
You don’t know him.
Sounds like stranger danger to me.
I’d take a one way ticket on the NOPE TRAIN.
CAPTAIN NTA.
God help us, OP — do NOT go on this trip. If it feels off, it no doubt IS! (And it sounds totally off to this internet stranger!) You are not being over-cautious or alarmist, you’re being wise and sensible. If your friend, who accepted on your behalf, is angry with you for drawing a boundary and staying safe, she’s not a friend worth keeping.
NTA!
NTA – who spends thousands of dollars on a stranger? For a trip to Japan? Is your friend having an affair with this guy?
*Now I feel guilty because she already said yes on my behalf,*
You have no reason to feel guilty. **Your friend had no right to say yes on your behalf,** to anything. If she told him your answer was yes, and now she has to backpedal and admit that you actually said no, and if that makes her feel embarrassed, then tough. If she then tries to blame you for putting her in an awkward position, she’s not a good friend.
*It’s a huge expense, I don’t know him, and something about accepting that kind of money from a married man I’ve never met just doesn’t sit right with me*
I don’t care whether he’s married or single, and I think you’re getting overly caught up in that aspect of the situation. It’s irrelevant.
This man is offering to send his co-worker, your friend, to Japan, at huge expense. That’s an unusually generous thing for a co-worker to do, but perhaps there’s some backstory here between them that we’re not aware of. (Why Japan, for instance? Who chose the country – him or her? How can he afford it? His wife surely has some say in the family budget as well. What does SHE think about him spending an enormous chunk of change on this?)
But that man is also offering to send YOU, a complete stranger, to Japan as well. WHY?
I have no idea what his motives are. Drug running? Sex trafficking? Something else?
But it sounds very, very dodgy.
Ask your friend why he’s offering to pay for this. But only ask out of curiosity, not because the answer is likely to change your mind.
Personally, I would trust my gut and not go.
Trust your gut. Don’t give in to the compulsion to he nice or spare feelings. You didn’t even say yes, and honestly even if you had you are still not obligated to go. This seems sketchy from every angle.
NTA
NTA why are you letting your friend speak for you? Stand up and tell him how you actually feel about this plan. You have a right decline any plans just because, you don’t need a reason.