I’ve been playing D&D with the same core group of friends for about five years. I’m 26M, and the group consists of two couples (Mike (25M) & Mary (25F), Eric (23M) & Annie (23F)) plus another single guy, Jack (24M). We’ve been consistently playing together since 2022, though we’ve had other friends drop in over the years. For our next campaign, starting in a few weeks, we’re also inviting another friend, Olive (26F).
We’ve completed three full campaigns (two DM’d by me from 2022–2023, and one DM’d by Mike that wrapped up in early December), as well as several one-shots run by nearly everyone in the group, including Jack. Jack previously DM’d a one-shot that the group enjoyed. Since then, he’s expressed interest in DMing a full campaign.
As a player, Jack enjoys combat-heavy play (which isn’t inherently a problem as everyone enjoys different aspects of the game) but often disengages when it’s not his turn, frequently using his phone or computer. During Mike’s campaign, he told Eric and Annie he was bored and felt no one was having fun, which caused some tension in the group.
When it came time to choose our next campaign, both Jack and I pitched ideas. I suggested we each explain our concepts and take a ranked vote. Jack proposed a very combat-heavy campaign using the 2024 rules (which our group has never used), describing it as “Warhammer on crack” – his words. I pitched a published module with about a 55% roleplay focus using 2014 rules, and also suggested a round-robin of one-shots DM’d by everyone else in the group. The group voted, and my campaign won. Jack was the only one who voted for his as a first choice. Later that night, Annie mentioned that Jack looked close to tears, which made me feel awful, I don’t want him to feel unwanted.
I followed up by explaining the setting and promised a detailed Session Zero PowerPoint. In that presentation, I listed approved species, this is an animal-folk-only setting, no humans, elves, etc., and stated that homebrew races required prior approval. Jack later sent me his completed character from D&D Beyond: a homebrewed lizardfolk subspecies he created himself. While lizardfolk were approved, I wasn’t comfortable allowing an untested homebrew race in a level-one campaign. Jack said he was bored of standard lizardfolk mechanics and had replaced two features with four new ones. I felt the new abilities were too strong and suggested trimming or revising them.
Jack pushed back, insisting on keeping everything as-is. We’ve been going back and forth for days. I vented to Mary and Olive, who both think I should simply say no, since I’m the DM and we were clear about no homebrew. Mary also suspects Jack may intentionally be difficult since his campaign wasn’t chosen. I don’t want to be a jerk, but I also feel like he’s making collaboration impossible.
So, would I be the asshole for requiring Jack to change his character when we clearly said no homebrew?