I 25F was invited to go to an acquaintances birthday party 26F. We know each other from a dance group but are not close (we do dane covers). She and a few other members only joined a few months ago. We only see each other on Mondays for practice, and the times I’ve been to practice has been sparse (maybe like 4 times, due to holidays and illness) since she has joined. Practice is 2-3 hours long, and besides that, the group has only gone on like, 3 outings since she has joined.
She has invited us all to her birthday party at a game show place and to eat out at a resturaunt later on. From what I’ve seen, it looks like you’re paired off in teams and you play a series of carnival like games to compete against each other.
I had asked her if it would be okay if I brought my boyfriend along (we are paying for ourselves) and she had told me no.
If she had left it at that, I would’ve been fine with it because it’s her birthday and she can have whatever she wants, but she said that she wouldn’t be comfortable with my boyfriend coming along unless she had one of her male friends with us. She said that she had an uncomfortable experience before, but didn’t elaborate. She has never met my boyfriend before.
I also want to mention, the only reason I asked if my boyfriend could come along is because Sundays is usually the only full day we have together.
I thought that her response was a weird and offputting thing to say because 1. There are 2-3 other girls in the group that brings their boyfriend/male companions to sit in at dance practice that I’m sure she has never met before she joined, 2. I’m not 100% sure, but I don’t think she brings along a male companion to dance practice, and 3. I feel as if we’re not doing any activities where there would be concern about a male being there.
We wouldn’t be carpooling together, and there are no plans to go to anyone’s house or anything. Theoritically, he would be by my side the entire time (unless we got put on seperate teams or something), and there would be very little chance they’d ever be alone. She has invited the whole team (a total of about 12 female members) and I assume that invitation extends to the males that sit in on dance practice (3). If she’s concerned about rowdiness or bad behavior, I feel like that is redundant because anyone is capable;the team members, their companions, or random strangers we would encounter while participating in these activities.
While she has had more interactions with other members, there are people who have as much, if not, less interactions with her than me. She has only been in the group for 3 months, and as far as I know, she didn’t know anyone else personally before then.
I’m also pretty sensitive person I guess, and I felt a bit slighted perdonally, and on my boyfriend’s behalf. I’m also not sure if we would even have the funds to go when it happens anyways, so regardless, I probably won’t go.
So you don’t want to go, you barely know this person and you can’t survive a few hours without your boyfriend…. Why did you even make this post? this is so pointless. YTA for wasting my time reading this
She’s also assuming that the other men are invited, but has no actual confirmation of that.
YTA
YTA, it’s her birthday party and she doesn’t want people she isn’t acquainted with to attend.
By the bye, my very best friend is a beautiful woman who has consistently been propositioned by the men of the women in her life. (She considers my husband her brother because he never has and never will.)
If this woman has shared that she’s had uncomfortable experiences, or even 1 uncomfortable experience, then that’s that.
This is her birthday party.
You could always introduce them at a different time.
You could also just decline the invite.
Or you could do something without your boyfriend for once.
You’ve done a lot of assuming about her reasoning and other relationships here, so based on that alone I’m saying YTA. You don’t really seem to know much of anything about the situation and have gotten upset based on a lot of assumptions. Either she isn’t including any of the other males or she already knows them (clearly she has some trauma to deal with and doesn’t wanna deal with it at her birthday). Either way, she isn’t interested in having a strange man at her birthday party and doesn’t know you well enough to trust your judgment. But overall, seems like an all girls thing. And like you said, it’s her party and she can invite who she wants.
It’s her birthday and she doesn’t owe you an explanation.
YTA. It’s one thing to even ask to invite your bf. Another to get upset at the actual birthday girl. Get over yourself and try to separate yourself from Tori relationship. You’re an individual with autonomy. That doesn’t go away just because you have a bf now.
YTA. It’s her birthday party and she gets to choose who she wants to attend. She doesn’t know your BF so her saying no should be the end of the conversation.
You wait till the end of the post to say you probably won’t have the funds to go. So why aren’t you or you asking for input? You said you don’t know the woman and you won’t go without your bf. It’s her birthday and she can choose what kind of get together she has and with whom. YTA
YTA,
It was tacky to ask to invite your Boyfriend to an event where he doesn’t know the birthday girl. It’s her night, she wanted to celebrate with friends and coworkers. She is within her right, FOR ANY REASON, to not want him there.
Do not get to decide if her excuse is good enough or not.
If it’s the only full day you get to see your boyfriend, then that’s on you to make the decision if you want to give up that time or not. Not to ask her to accommodate you.
Your significant other is not always going to be invited/welcome everywhere you are. That’s just life. You are making this a much bigger deal than it should be.
YTA. It’s annoying when girls can’t do anything without their boyfriends. Why would she want your boyfriend she doesn’t even know at her birthday? She probably felt put on the spot.
Not the AH for deciding not to attend. You have the right to decline any invitation.
YTA for expecting your boyfriend to be invited though and not taking your friend’s reason at face value . Your friend wants to spend time with you and her team. If you bring someone no one knows, the dynamic will change because you will be engaged with primarily him and not the rest of the group.
YTA it’s her event and she wants to have comfortable fun. This isn’t a personal attack on you or your boyfriend, she just doesn’t know him and doesn’t want to have a male stranger there due to bad experiences.
I’m sure there will be other opportunities to do meet and greet, but she doesn’t want that at her bday event which is totally fair.
Girl if you don’t want go without your man don’t go it’s not that hard
YTA
It doesn’t matter how wonderful and special you believe your boyfriend is. She doesn’t know him. And it’s her party.