I am hosting our family Christmas this year in my small apartment. Our family Christmas Day usually consists of me, my sister and our mother only.
Last year I stayed at my sister’s house and she hosted Christmas dinner which was generally a success, however our mother complained about the hour-long drive to her house. She typically doesn’t like travelling there unless someone else (i.e. me) takes her there.
Our mum told us this year that she was working nights on Christmas Eve. It was decided that I would host Christmas in my small flat, which I did agree to as I live closer to mum. My sister will stay with me from Christmas Eve – Boxing Day. Her boyfriend is coming on Christmas Day (the first Christmas they’ve spent together) and staying at my flat also that night. As I only have one bedroom, I’ll sleep on the sofa while they stay in my double bed.
Because I live alone (and the flat is small), I don’t have a dining table. My sister said she would bring the table. I entirely forgot to ask about chairs, which I don’t have. The reason for this is I’ve had a lot on my plate since the plan was made. I work long hours in a stressful job role and have had unexpected building work ongoing in the flat for which I had a weeks notice. Additional to this, I have been trying to orchestrate the buying and making the joint presents from my sister and I (we combine budgets so we can get our family members more substantial gifts) and decorating (this has been something my sister requested to make it feel more cosy/christmassy). I have also been trying to stay on top of cleaning tasks while the builders have been in, including doing lots of shopping and washing to make sure my sister and her boyfriend have towels and fresh bedding for when they stay. Overall, my brain has been over-occupied and the thought of sourcing dining table chairs completely escaped my mind.
I laughed it off and said that worst comes to worst the three guests can sit on the sofa and I will sit on the floor while we eat our dinner. My sister seemed frustrated at this and said it doesn’t feel nice or Christmassy if we have to do that. She has tasked me on sourcing chairs today, however I’m still working and need to go back out shopping to get some items for the dinner that weren’t available when I went shopping yesterday. Tomorrow I am off work but need to pick my sister up from the train station in the morning, bake (for present hampers), clean the flat and my sister wants to go out for the day.
I feel like I’m drowning, but my sister says this could’ve been avoided if I had planned better. I don’t disagree, but this is the situation I am in now and my view is that Christmas is more about spending fun time with family than anything else so I want to ask my sister to be more flexible and resign herself to maybe sitting on the couch for Christmas dinner this one year, but I think this might make me the asshole.
So, WIBTA if I asked my sister to be more flexible?
NTA obviously – it looks like your family has tasked you with essentially doing everything and accommodating all of their needs while themselves doing nothing to help.
Can your sister and /or your mum not just bring some of their chairs for the day?
I asked my sister if she could and she says she has no room in the car. She’s getting the train and her boyfriend is coming the following day in the car.
My mum doesn’t have foldable chairs, only benches which I don’t think would fit in her car.
If your sister can bring her dining table on the train, why can’t she bring her chairs as well?
ESH. No, hosting without any chairs is not reasonable. But your sister is TA for putting it all on you. Task your mother, sister or her boyfriend with acquiring the chairs.
Why are you offering to host the dinner if you don’t have the place to accommodate a dinner?
No table,no chairs.
To be honest,i’d be angry if i’d have to eat sitting on the floor.
If you can’t manage to host the dinner party because of your job…just don’t
WYBTA
I didn’t offer, it was deemed by my sister and mum as the only option because my sister won’t go to our mums and my mum won’t travel to my sisters house. I identified the lack of table issue at the start which is where my sister said she’d bring the table.
In my chaotic brain I just deemed that as an issue resolved while forgetting about the chairs which is my fault entirely
ETA: I also said several times if we can hold Christmas elsewhere, can we please do this as I was struggling with the organising of it given I lack the suitable items/insufficient time.
I think you need to take ownership of your own decisions. Firstly, you had the power to say no. It’s your place. You did not need to convince your mother or sister and get their agreement. However, you agreeing to host means you taking on the responsibility. You can’t just think vaguely after that. You have to make sure everything is organized. That’s what agreeing to host means.
I think you should suck it up and go the extra mile to get some chairs. Having taken on the responsibility of hosting you owe it to your guests to put yourself (rather than them) out over something that was down to your lack of thought and planning.
Tell your sister that she needs to bring or find chairs if she needs them that bad. Otherwise you will go with your original plan of sofa/floor.
why don’t you all just go out to eat? Chinese restaurants are often open. Or you can rent from a party rental place and have folding chairs dropped off . or buy four folding chairs while you are shopping and return after the holiday. or borrow from coworker.
Reading all these replies laughing to myself. Our table sits 8 people. My family (parents and all their descendants) is 31 people. 28 will be in attendance. 4 will have high chairs. That leaves 16 people to sit where ever they find. Probably send 6 or so out to the picnic table outside. It matters more that the family is together than that they have a table.
Honestly, it sounds like you shouldn’t have agreed to host in the first place.
You live in a small space, don’t have a table or chairs for people to sit and eat at, it sounds like you weren’t even going to decorate except your sister requested it so you did.
There’s more to hosting than just having people physically in your home for a meal, and it sounds like you either aren’t aware of that, or just don’t care about it.
Sis should also be a better guest and not make a fuss if she does have to sit on the couch, but I also understand being upset if you’re asked to bring a table to someone’s house for dinner, only to find out there are no chairs, so you lugged a piece of furniture over for nothing.
Can’t decide if NAH or ESH. Just sounds like a mess.
There is only one response here. NTA
Why isn’t your sister doing more? Sounds like you are doing everything as well as giving up your bed. Hosting dinner doesn’t also mean doing the xmas gift shopping. She could do the decorating, take a cab from the train station, and she doesn’t have to go out ‘for the day’…Sound like the only thing she is doing is supplying the table and its her boyfriend bringing it. Go out for dinner, or try renting some foldable chairs. Hosting dinner means supplying dinner, not even necessarily cooking it. Your sister sounds exhausting and demanding.
NTA – to be honest I find it weird your sister said she would bring the table but didn’t think about chairs either. If you don’t have a dining table, why would you have dining chairs?