ETA: I was looking at an electric Bluetooth set, not a regular one.
My nephew has had a rough upbringing. Both of his parents are addicts in and out of recovery. We’re (my husband and I) trying to provide some much needed love during a rough spot. I asked what he wanted for Christmas and he said a drum set.
Drum sets are not cheap. Like $400 minimum. That is well above what we normally spend on nieces and nephews (maybe $20-$50). I told my husband what we wanted and he said it is my call on what I want to do.
He has given extravagant gifts to our family before ($6000 for a wedding, $500 for a vacation). However, I feel like he may be irritated that we wouldn’t be spending as much on his family this year. For reference, I have 1 nephew. He has 10+ nieces and nephews. Normally we buy for our family and leave it at that, but we always ask the other person before dropping a big chunk of change.
WIBTA if I bought my nephew the drum set?
NTA at all! Things like that should be additive rather than subtractive. There should be lots of love to go around. If you have decided that this boy needs drums, well, I say go for it. If your nieces and nephews are otherwise well adjusted, don’t worry about it, because they’ll just be happy for him
Info: where would the drum kit be kept?
Info: how old is your nephew, and who is going to have to live with a kid that possesses a drum set?
Maybe check out a pawn shop for a used one .
Get one on Facebook marketplace. A brand new drum set would be too much. But you can get a nice used set for much cheaper and add to it through the years with new pieces he wants. My 13 year old is a drummer. This is the way.
Can you get an electric drum kit so that he can wear headphones and not everyone needs to listen. Drums would make me very stressed out and his recovering parents may feel the same. It could cause tension on their house
I dont think you’d be the AH, but is your nephew really young? is there any chance the addicts in his life will sell the kit for money?
my advise is to ask over at r/drums for advice on beginner acoustic kits vs practice pads, where to find a decent cheap kit (pawn shops etc)
Is he still living with his parents? If they are in and out of recovery, I would be concerned about the risk of having something that expensive in the house that could be sold for drugs if they relapse, also that the noise could inflame an already tense situation. Is having it at your house so he can use it when he visits an option?
I would recommend buying a practice pad and sticks first. I taught band in my first career and know there are MANY instruments bought for Christmas that lay under dust by Easter. Give him something to build up to, unless he’s already playing.
YWBTA if you got one that wasn’t electronic that allowed for headphones.
I grew up with an addict. Making noise after Mom was on a 3 day bender was incredibly unsafe, and the idea of a drum set makes my child self cower.
Another thing that you’re going to have to consider: his parents also stand the chance of selling off the set for drug money. You would be MUCH better off keeping the set at your place and giving him an open door policy to play there – just as much for a reprieve from his parents but also giving him a safe place to learn.
NAH – It’s not so much the money, but the noise factor. Please consider buying a digital drum set. This is an alternative for beginners; it includes headphones and is less expensive and probably less irritating for those within earshot.
If his parents are addicts theyll likely try to sell the drum set, keep it at your home and let him come over to use it whenever he wants (also getting him out of the toxic environment)