I (23M) live in a sharehouse with two other people: Jake (25M), who has lived there with me for a few years, and Amber (20F), who recently moved in.
When Amber first moved in she made a really good impression. She brought a case of beer and we spent the first night just shooting the shit.
About two weeks after she moved in, Amber threw a housewarming party. Most of the guests were her friends (which is fine it was her housewarming after all). Our place is pretty small, so whenever we have a lot of people over we’ll keep our bedrooms open so things don’t get too cramped.
During the party, one of Amber’s friends, Sarah (22F), vomited on my bed. I wasn’t there at the time, but another of Amber’s friends found me and helped clean up. Sarah tried to help too, but she was so drunk that she ended up spreading it around even more. Looked like a Jackson Pollock painting.
What annoyed me was that Amber was in my room the whole time. She didn’t look for me when it happened or offer to help clean, she just kept chatting and drinking.
The next day Sarah came around with a fresh quilt cover, pillowcases, and a bottle of wine. After helping me put the new bedding on, we had a cup of tea and chatted for a while. She seemed pretty embarrassed about the whole thing.
When I finally saw Amber that night (don’t think she had left her room all day), I mentioned that I felt a bit weird about the whole situation. She kind of shrugged her shoulders and changed the topic. Later, she commented on my new bedding and asked if I had gone out to buy it or if we had spares, which made it clear she had nothing to do with Sarah’s follow up.
In my mind, Amber should have at least acknowledged that it was her guest who threw up on my bed. More than anything, I was hoping for some kind of apology. Even a small “sorry about that” would have made me feel like she got it.
I know it’s not a huge deal, but I can’t shake the thought that this could set a bad precedent for how she handles conflict in the house. If she can shrug off something like this, how might she react to bigger issues later?
Jake says I’m overthinking it and that everything was handled fine. Amber is still friendly and the house vibe hasn’t changed, but I can’t shake the feeling she’s a bit flippant about this stuff.
So WIBTA if I keep pushing this?
It isn’t a small thing. Why weren’t they in her room? I am glad the housemate had better sense than your roommate. I would have been mortified if my guest threw up on my housemate’s bed. NTA
Them being in my room is one thing I didn’t mind. Jake and I have had parties before and given that my room is the biggest it’s where people typically gravitate to once the house starts filling up. Never been a problem in the past.
That’s good, but too much stuff can happen, ruining something, stealing something, etc.
That’s a good point!
Up until now I’ve been super laissez faire with people in my room at parties. Learning experience I guess.
Amber should apologize. Reminds me when I was living in the dorms at my first base. I shared a bathroom with 1 guy I worked with we were friends. There was a dorm party while I was at work. I got home and went to the bathroom and the shower curtain was drawn. Thinking someone might’ve been passed out I nervously pulled the curtain. I went to my friends door and asked him to go check the shower, he asked why I simply asked him to go check the shower again. He went then stormed passed me. He came back and apologized saying the person who did it will clean it up. The next day the woman that did it also apologized.
She’s absolutely rug sweeping lol hoping you let her get away with it. Ask her why she hasn’t apologized, with genuine curiosity. I suspect the answer is “I didn’t throw up on your bed”.
NTA and this is a nasty story, you realize this doesn’t happen to most of us?
YWBTA is you force an apology from Amber. NOT because you don’t deserve one, she should most definitely be mortified that one of her friends vommitted on your bed, but because it does show a lack of concern for you and your belongings that she hasn’t.
But, it sounds like Sarah went out of her way to make it up to you and take responsibility and it also sounds like there were other(s) who cared enough in the moment to help. So, Amber not caring didn’t make the situation worse.
If I were you I’d keep an eye on Amber before fully trusting her, to get a better sense of what kind of person she is. But, yeah, definitely let it go for now and wait to see if a pattern emerges before acting.
Not far off from what Jake told me.
I’m normally one to let things slide, but I have this idea in my head that I need to set the tone early.
NTA!! When inviting guests over especially as when they are her friends she is partly responsible for anything the friend does to your things. You deserve an apology from the friend and Amber for her indifference to the fact you had to get a whole new set of sheets for something HER friend did. It’s little signs like this that really show a persons true colours.. I’d be careful around her and her friends if they are so inconsiderate about your belongings.
I wouldn’t push it.
Just judge her silently and make a mental note that she’s selfish and unreliable.
I’m curious as to why she was in your bedroom at all? Given Sarah’s actions (what a legend BTW) at least that part of things feels resolved. While Amber didn’t handle this one great, I wouldn’t write her off completely just yet. I think it would be worth a housemate chat to let her know how you’re feeling and agree to some basic rules about personal spaces vs communal, and responsibility for any guests. Approach it neutrally, you’re all still figuring each other out and this can just be a blip that you all move past quickly.
What Amber lacked, Sarah made up for it by doing the best she could to make amends. Trying to help clean up, new bed clothes, an apology gift. Showing remorse and embarrassment. Sarah sounds nice.
NTA, your roommate saw a “Jackson Pollock” happening on your bed in real time and didn’t even think to grab a towel or tell you?
NTA Sarah is so sweet please tell her you forgive her! And lock your bedroom next time, only your friends are allowed in your room, and only with your supervision