I (F 35) and my brother (30) own a three-bedroom apartment in our hometown. I live in the capital city (we live in Europe) alone and rent a place, while my brother stays in that place with his daughter (8). This apartment was owned by our father who died about a few years ago. In the last decade, our father didn’t live there, and the place was essentially my brother’s.
I work as a teacher and I can barely make a living in the capital: my monthly income barely exceeds the rent. In the past, I tried living back home with my brother, but it was hell. He has some mental health issues; he is a difficult neighbour and is involved in pretty shady stuff (more on that later). He is also a single parent (that’s a different story) and really loves his daughter. Still, the situation is not great for the kid. I worried about her when we lived together, but ultimately, had to move out for my own sake.
I think we should sell the apartment and split the profit. But the understanding in our family has always been that the place is his. He lived there on his own for the last ten years, his daughter grew up there. But it never seemed fair: for many years he didn’t pay bills, rent or anything associated with the apartment; he was disrespectful to our father and to me, he put us in uncomfortable and dangerous situations. And it seemed that everything was excused since he is the youngest and the most vulnerable. So, I brought it up with him recently, and he was both shocked and angered. In his mind, my life is settled and trouble-free, I have a place to live and a stable job, I don’t have (or plan to have) any children. But, in reality, I am struggling and feel cornered. I’m one medical emergency away from a disaster. In my adult life, I have never had the privilege to take time off work, to rely on others when I was in trouble, or to make a mistake. I know, he would never agree to sell the place, but it is fifty percent mine. In our country, the process to split the apartment through court is pretty complicated and the fact that there is a child involved would make it nearly impossible until his daughter is 18.
Let’s get to the point. I know for a fact that my brother is a drug dealer (and it’s only the tip of the iceberg) and he mingles with the worst people and brings them home. He is not secretive about it, and he’s never held a normal job for more than three months. And even that would not happen very often. Should I report him to the police? Should I threaten to do so? Should I report the situation to the social services? He loves his daughter, but he clearly is not equipped to care for her. (Neither am I, by the way, but for different reasons).
I know that it might seem self-serving, but the situation at his home is far from healthy and acceptable for a child to live in. Even if doesn’t do anything for my case, might it eventually be the right thing to do? So, WIBTA if I report my brother to the police/ social services?
INFO: If you report him, and he goes to jail, what happens to his daughter?
ESH – do you have PROOF/evidence that he’s selling drugs? If the answer is yes, then yes, I would report him.
NTA for reporting him, but do it for the right reasons. If you report him to the police or social services solely to force a house sale, it will look self-serving.
However, you *should* report the situation because an 8-year-old child is living in a home where drug dealing is happening and dangerous people are coming in and out. That is a massive safety risk for your niece. Focus on the child’s welfare first. Report the illegal activity and the living conditions to social services immediately. The legal battle for the apartment is a separate civil matter, but saving that child from a dangerous environment is a moral necessity.
This is the correct answer.
NTA is you are doing it to help your niece.
YTA if you do it to force the sale of a house so you can get money.
YTA – you want to take advantage of your brother so you have a safety net. it is all about the money.
ESH. Him for everything. You for waiting until it benefited you to think of that child. You don’t get to spin us a story about how bad it is for her if you’ve left her there for this long.
Imagine setting up your brother to take the home, and you end up homeless…
YTA.
Is his daughter happy with him? If you report him, you also said you can’t take in his daughter, so she’d just go into the system? Or her culty grandparents? Would that be good for her?
Don’t pretend you care about her and this is out of goodwill. You want your share of the house back and you’re willing to send your niece to a worse place because she’s in the way of you legally splitting the place.
It’s fair that you want your money back, but so just be honest about it. Dont act as if this is a selfless deed. It is entirely self serving, and sometimes that’s just life. You take care of yourself. Just make sure you can sleep at night.
If you do force the sale by reporting your brother I hope you spilt the profit three ways: you, your brother and set up a trust for your niece so she has a cushion for school/adult life or get some therapy as she’s going to need it.
Yta for turning in your brother so you can sell the house and not take in his daughter. What do you think is going to happen to her just because you want money?
YTA| this isn’t some great moral choice you’re making, you waited until you needed something to hold over him.
if it was years ago when you found out he was doing illegal, you’d be a good citizen.
You are being stupid if you think getting him sent to jail, isn’t gonna have his daughter put into the system; as you made it clear you can’t take her.
It’s hard to know from your description. Is he selling hard-core drugs for the mob or like, weed to friends? Considering his lack of ambition, seems like it’s probably weed to friends. I think you would be TA if you reported this to the police, seemingly in a self-serving way to get him out of the apartment. Considering you’re not in the market to raise his kid, is the assumption that his child would go into the system? Even though he’s not, by what you say, the worst parent out there? Sounds like you find how things shook out unfair, and you want to punish your brother. Not sure why you have to live in the capital in an expensive apartment OR the apartment you co-own. Like is there not another town in your country? A cheaper suburb? Even if you make your brother homeless and throw his child into care, your windfall wouldn’t last forever.
The home is 50% yours, offer him to buy you out, if he refuses, go to a lawyer.
But in the meantime, contact your countrys childrens agency, that will be a better point of contact than straight to the police, if you are really worried about your niece.
Yes YWBTA, because it is clear you goals are financial, over the wellbeing of a child. Not to mention he is your brother.