This is a throw away account, mostly because i dont use Reddit in general, but i do need some guidance on this. So as the title would suggest, I(15, F) am in love with my best friend(also 15, F). Although, as the title also suggests, she has a boyfriend. We are both bisexual, and shes previously dated other girls. Im at my wits end, mostly because her boyfriend is SUPER nice. He treats her well, respects her, and is better than any other relationship she’s had before. I feel like she’s my soulmate, in a way. She knows things i haven’t even told my own parents, she’s helped me through a close family death, and she’s been my main motivator to pursue university, and moving out and away from my parents. We even have a ‘pact’ of sorts, where we promised each other to get into our dream universities(which are pretty close), and then move in together. I dont plan on ruining her relationship, that sounds like an absolute nightmare, and that wont make her happy, which I would rather she be happy and oblivious to my feelings, rather than feeling betrayed that her best friend would do that to her. I just want to be in her life, however she would take me, as a best friend, lover, i just want to spend my days with her. WIBTA to tell her how i feel?
YWBTA. Unfortunately. Telling her right now only helps you deal with what your feeling. I don’t think it’s fair to put this on her when she’s actively seeing somebody. It does nothing but make things complicated for her, no matter how she feels. Also, even if she does have feelings for you, is that how you would want it to start? Breaking up her happy relationship?
You guys are 15. She isn’t getting married tomorrow. You don’t need to confess your love right now. Maintain the friendship and if they break up give it some time and approach the subject.
NAH. I don’t think you should tell her or interfere with her relationship. You’re 15, you will be in love with someone else next year. Hard crushes come and go.
If she is in a happy and healthy relationship then YTA
I don’t think you would be TA. However, you already said in your own words how good her bf is to her and how you would you rather her be happy and oblivious than to ruin your friendship. You’re only 15 and a lot can happen in these last high school years and when you go to college, just enjoy your time with her. Distract yourself with hobbies, dating or other friends. Maybe tell her if she becomes single again.
It sucks feeling this way, but sometimes being the supportive best friend is the better move. Focus on keeping your bond strong and maybe in the future things could shift, but for now, ride the friendship wave.
YWBTA. If you tell her, all you’re going to do is ruin your relationship with her.
The absolute best-case scenario is that she already likes you back and was thinking about ending it with her bf to be with you. If you confess to her in this situation, you only serve to hasten the inevitable a little and make yourself look bad, since you will reveal yourself to be the kind of person who hits on someone who already has a partner! It would be much better to wait for her to be single. That’s the best case.
However, what is overwhelmingly likely is that she doesn’t see you that way. So in that case, you make yourself look bad and also incredibly selfish, because for the sake of expressing your unwanted feelings, you’ll put her in a tough spot with her boyfriend. Would she still feel comfortable hanging out with someone she knows is in love with her? Is her boyfriend going to feel comfortable with her hanging out with you 1:1 when they both know you’re willing to ignore their relationship and hit on her?
I know when you’re 15, it feels like your emotions control you and you have to obey them. However, you can control your emotions. The way to tamp down on an inappropriate crush is to dial back contact with the person and catch yourself when you start ruminating about how great they are and switch your thoughts to another topic. Crushes grow when you dwell on them, they shrink when you focus on other things. They shrink the fastest when you dwell on the person’s faults instead of their virtues, so if you can think of any, that will help.
Yeah, you would either nuke a happy relationship or your friendship.
I would take it easy with the L word as well, you will look back at this and laugh, this too shall pass.
Ywbta. She’s your friend, keep it that way or you’ll lose her
YWBTA. This is a good thing to learn while young: don’t tell someone in a relationship you have feelings for them. Honestly, as she’s in a relationship, it would be selfish of you to tell her because what exactly do you expect her to do with that information? There’s no point.
YWBTA. Life is long and you are very young. If it’s meant to be she will end up with you. If it’s not you’ll stay best friends and find someone even more perfect for you. Trust me. Stay open, stay positive, and love yourself. You deserve it.
Of course YWBTA
Don’t fuck with other peoples’ relationships. I don’t care how you justify it to yourself.
I miss when teenagers had their own spaces online.
I (50sM) would suggest just breathe. I had a friend (F) exactly like this in HS, we always loved each other but always dated other people instead. We went to separate universities but stayed close and talked about being together as a couple one day. By our mid-20s I realized that I was in love with the 16 year old version of this girl and I feel maybe she did too. It was kind of a nice realization for me. We had both grown up and changed, and we both moved on from each other and married happily to others, and had kids who are now in their late teens / early 20s.
My point of all this is you have so much runway ahead of you in life. Just let things play out as they will, don’t force it. Let her be happy with her BF now, and see where things go. It’s the long game that’s important, not the short one.
Hallmark enough for you? Good luck, I feel for you.
YWBTA.
If your friend is in a relationship, you would be an AH to say something. You can love someone AND be happy for them. She’ll remain your best friend. You’re welcomed to take a shot when she’s single but she’s not. You’re being selfish and putting your desires above her happiness.