I’m a picky eater. As my grandfather used to say, I eat to live, I don’t live to eat. I am infinitely embarrassed by this fact, and I try my best to not make it anyone elses problem. To be clear, I’m 24, I should absolutely be able to eat more foods, but a lot of textures bother me and I have a really sensitive gag reflex, so I don’t like to try new things when I’m out because I don’t want to be dry heaving at a restaurant in front of a bunch of people.
I avoid a lot of my food issues with ketchup. I’ve found that if I order food with sauce on the side, I can eat around the things I don’t like, and if I find I don’t like anything on the plate, I’ll use ketchup. I find that I can tolerate things better with the ketchup, and it saves me from any awkwardness with waiters offering to have things remade etc. My roommate works at a fast food restaurant, so brings back the little packets of ketchup, and I’ve mastered the art of subtly putting the ketchup on my plate. If I really don’t like the food, I know that I can stop at a fast food place on the way home.
I’ve been seeing this guy (27M) for a little while, and we have been on a few dates. I told him that I have issues with food, and we have so far avoided places that are new to me, and been to places with things on the menu I know are safe to me. Last night we went to a new restaurant for the first time. It was pretty fancy, and when he suggested it I agreed to try it but warned him of my weird ketchup thing. He said it was fine, and that I probably wouldn’t even need it because the food there was so good. I looked on the menu and picked something that I thought I would like ahead of time (so I was prepared).
The date started really well, and I really liked this guy. The appetizers were awesome, and they make really nice cocktails, so until the entrees came out, he was right, I didn’t even think about getting the ketchup.
When the entree came out, I tried a few bites, and a texture with some of the vegetables made me gag. I hid it behind a cough (I hope), and I moved onto the other stuff on the plate. The potatoes were divine, but the chicken had some kind of spice that I really didn’t like. No worries, that’s what the ketchup was for. A sauce came with the appetizers and I kept the cup it came in, so I just emptied a ketchup packet into that and then dipped my chicken. It masked whatever spice it was, and I enjoyed the rest of the meal.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t think my date even noticed me putting the ketchup in the cup. He didn’t mention anything at dinner, and his mood didn’t change until after we left the restaurant. When we got in his car, he went off on me, saying that it was so embarrassing and disgusting. He said that I wasted his money (we split the bill) and that it was a waste of food. I got out of the car and ubered home.
I don’t plan to see him again, not after the way he spoke to me, but am I the asshole here?
SO VERY NTA. Hun, have you ever talked to a doctor about ARFID? Bc you sound like you have ARFID. This guy is just a walking red flag. You dodged a bullet by breaking out that ketchup.
>You dodged a bullet by breaking out that ketchup
This needs to be the intro line to a murder mystery.
I’m so happy more people are learning about ARFID.
My son is HELLA on the spectrum. We’re extremely well versed lol
NTA. Look, food aversions can be difficult to get over. You tried something new, which is great–that’s how people learn to expand their list of safe foods. But you hit a wall, which happens, and you dealt with it without making a scene or being impolite. Your date was rude, and I’m glad you’re not going out with him again.
Honestly NTA. You’re aware of your issues and you’ve figured out a workaround that works for you. You told your date ahead of time, so he shouldn’t have been shocked. He was a big asshole. Bullet dodged.
NTA. It honestly kinda sounds like after you told him about your food aversion, he was trying to push you into trying new stuff on purpose. I’ve seen it happen many times, people used to do it to me. “Just try it, you’ll like it!” Some people think they can “save” picky eaters from themselves by proving they can find new foods for them to eat. It’s pathetic really.
NTA. You tried new food, you acknowledged the potatos were good, and you came up with a solution to eating the chicken without creating a fuss. This guy is not worth your time.
Also, can we acknowledge that you got out of the car and ubered home yourself? Way to stand up for yourself!
If you haven’t already heard of ARFID, you might want to look into it. Safe foods are common enough, but the extreme aversion to textures, especially as you haven’t “grown out of it” as you aged suggests that ARFID might be at play here. The only reason I suggest looking into it, is because 1 you want to make sure you are getting the right balance of nutrition, and 2 there are therapy options that work on why you have aversions to foods, and how else you can manage your response to them.
I live about 30 minutes from the restaurant and couldn’t think of anything worse than having to sit with him for that amount of time after he called me disgusting, even if it was embarrassing to cry in the back of an uber lol.
A few people have mentioned ARFID, and I’m going to look into it.
NTA. Former chef. We want people to enjoy their food. However they like it. We are literally the only other party in this transaction that could reasonably have any say in what you eat and we’ll give you all the ketchup you want. Fuck that guy
This was a fancy restaurant, I don’t know that they would have had ketchup, but thank you, that makes me feel better
Basically every restaurant ever has ketchup even if they don’t necessarily advertise it. It’s an ingredient in tons of sauces.
Good to know! I think I’ll still bring the ketchup with me, because having to explain this to every waiter sounds awful lol
The other reason to still bring it is even if they do have it, if the place is fancy enough they might have their own homemade version of it, and I’m sure you’re aware that can make it hit or miss as to whether you can tolerate it.