Hi, I am 16F and have a friend, who we’ll call Susie, who is also 16F. To preface, we have been friends for 4 years since middle school. She’s my closest friend, but she kind of has a history of being selfish and self-centered. This kinda had a big effect on me because I struggled with self esteem and people pleasing which I have since gotten better with but sometimes still struggle with. I am incredibly busy trying to ace 7+ tests and even more big projects and also handle my extracurriculars. I don’t really have free time to spend doing whatever.
So over the weekend Susie called me and asked me to present with her for an app she was creating at a competition through her club. She didn’t know that she was required to have a partner. I debated it because I’m so busy and I also know nothing about apps or the subject material that she’s presenting on, but I wanted to help her out so I said sure in the end. She promised me that all I would have to do is memorize a script and present it with her. I agreed because it sounded easy and chill. Earlier, she had already asked me to enter the competition in a different category so she wouldn’t be alone at the competition because she doesn’t have friends in the club, which I said yes to to help her.
Later, the club tells me that I have to be present at meetings on 3 different occasions. Susie did not tell me that the time commitment would be so much. But whatever, I brush it off because that’s my friend. At the first meeting TODAY, I was told that because I am doing two subjects for the competition, I have to pay $300, all to register for the competition. WHAT!! I genuinely don’t know how she could ask me to sink 300 dollars into some dumb club that I don’t care about, and helps no one who actually needs it (i mean humanitarian-ly)! She never told me that it would cost this much or that the time commitment would be so much.
Anyway, my mom won’t pay for it so I’d have to take money out of MY OWN COLLEGE FUND to pay for it. But the thing is the presentation to qualify for state is tomorrow. (she still hasn’t given me the script either and it’s 9pm the night before) I would totally be screwing her over if I didn’t just suck it up and pay because she probably wouldn’t be able to find someone else in time. But I really don’t want to pay because she misrepresented the cost and time commitment to me and I have so many other things to do and idk. I’m just confused and hurt and nervous. WIBTA if I bailed on her and said I couldn’t do it because she misrepresented the time commitment and amount of money I would have to pay?
(I would be lying if I said it wasn’t partly about the money. Which is weighing heavy on my conscience. But I’m also mad that she didn’t tell me any of this. It feels like she did this on purpose so I would say yes and capitalized on my history of being sort of a pushover so that I wouldn’t back out once I found out.)
NTA. It’s unfortunate, but she should have made you aware of all the circumstances. If you’re still willing to present/attend the meetings, you could see if she’s willing to pay.
NTA. Do not pay that.
NTA
While $300 isnt a SUPER huge amount, it’s enough that it would have needed to be discussed prior to your agreement to be involved.
You are only involved because she needs a partner. If she wants you or needs you there she can pay it.
You have every right to tell her you just can’t afford that and was unaware of the monetary investment
What do you mean $300 isn’t a super huge amount? She’s 16 years old.
And it would be a huge amount for many adults as well. It seems like you’re not aware that **many** people don’t have a few hundred dollars just lying around.
You’ve gotten yourself into quite a pickle.
These are the consequences of being a people pleaser. You have every right to cancel on her. Dude, she is asking you to co-present a project on 5- days notice Like, wtf!?!
Pluse, it’s not your problem to solve.
She’s likely to be upset about this, so be prepared to be direct and honest. You should have declined the request initially.
Once you learned about the cost and haven’t been prepared for the presentation tomorrow, canceling is the only reasonable course of action.
NTA. If she can’t qualify without tricking someone into paying and presenting for her, then she didn’t qualify.
NTA. Here’s a script you can memorize instead:
“Hey, Susie. I’m not going to be able to partner with you on this for a few reasons. The first is that you weren’t upfront with me about the time commitment. You said come to a meeting, say a few things, and that’s it. But that has turned into 3 meetings and $300. I have neither the time nor the money for this.
The second is that I’m not happy you thought you could just spring this on me. You know how busy I am with my own things, and I don’t like that you assumed I could drop everything because you weren’t prepared for your own project.
It sucks that you won’t qualify this time. I hope you’ll be eligible again and can find a partner for the next round.”
NTA you’re only doing it to bail out your friend so she should pay or otherwise not expect you to participate.
NTA. I would give her two options: either she can pay your fee (if you’re willing to deal with the time commitment) or she can find someone else or withdraw. If she hasn’t gotten the script ready by 9pm the night before, she doesn’t sound well prepared herself so she might just choose to withdraw. I would frame this as “I don’t have $300 to participate – my parents won’t pay and I don’t have that kind of fun money” (your college money is not available – after all, this isn’t college tuition)
You wouldn’t just be bailing on your friend over money — which under the circumstances is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. You’re also bailing on her for taking advantage of your good nature and for her dishonesty. SHE put herself in this position, NOT you.
This is probably a great opportunity to start asserting yourself in the face of unreasonable demands. She may be surprised and unhappy about it, but she’ll learn she can’t treat you so badly in the future, which is a good thing.
NTA. You agreed to devote your time. If she really needs you she can pay for you. This is not what a friend does. $300 is a lot of money to someone who doesnt have it. Tell her it wasn’t fair of her to spring all this on you last minute but youre sorry you can’t help her. And if the friendship fails due to this then she really wasn’t your good friend.