My fiancé (38M) and I (34F) are supposed to get married this summer. We have a son who will be around 1 at the time.
We don’t want a traditional wedding. We’re both autistic and all the wedding expectations (attention, speeches, parties, family stuff) are just too much.
My parents paid a deposit for a venue, but my family, especially my mom, doesn’t respect boundaries well and would push no matter what.
So we’re cancelling the venue, paying my parents back, and saying the wedding is postponed. On the original date, we’ll get married quietly in a church with just us and our kid, then go bowling or something. No guests, no announcement beforehand.
We’re not telling our families because my family will try to interfere or show up anyway.
I feel bad knowing they’ll be disappointed when they find out, but this feels like the only way to do this without it becoming a stressful mess.
AITAH?
It’s your wedding, and if you don’t want all the fuss of a traditional wedding, you don’t have to do it that way. NTA. Enjoy the day the way you want it.
NTA, families can be strong minded and it’s your day to do what you both want. Hope you have a lovely wedding. Bowling sounds like fun!
We eloped for the same reason.
NTA. All I needed to read was the first two paragraphs. Irrespective of both of you being autistic… its you and your husband’s wedding day and it should be how YOU and your husband want to celebrate. Your parents and others making the day about their whims and desires are selfish.
Congratulations on the impending marriage, OP!.
Your wedding, your choice. yes, a lot of ppl will be upset, but in 10 yrs, they won’t care. And in those same 10 years, you’ll remember that you had your wedding just the way you wanted. I’m glad you’re setting boundaries now. NTA. Best wishes & congratulations!
NTA. Have the wedding YOU want. I think your plan sounds fantastic.
NTA. The only assholes here are the boundary-stomping relatives who’ve already shown they’d hijack your wedding and make it about themselves. A wedding is not a family performance or a deposit-powered hostage situation, it’s about the people getting married. If someone can’t respect “this will overwhelm us,” they don’t earn a front-row seat. You’re not sneaky, you’re doing what you have to do to protect your sanity, and anyone mad about that can stay mad outside the church doors.
NTA. I love it. Don’t hurt their feelings. Just matter of factly tell them. After. And maybe pick another day so it doesn’t sting quite as much.
NTA. It’s your wedding, therefore, it’s your choice to do anything you want. Your family clearly has boundary issues, and I think this event is a good opportunity to (re)establish your boundaries. Hope you have a great wedding, OP!
NTA. Eloping is a time-honored tradition. That said, since you’ve decided to do it, you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble by moving up the date as much as possible. The sooner you do it, the sooner you can tell your meddling relatives that it already happened.
NTA. It’s your wedding, not theirs. You’re paying them back and doing what works for you and your fiancé. Their disappointment is their problem to manage
NTA. Just double check if you need witnesses and you’re all good
NTA
“We’re not telling our families because my family will try to interfere or show up anyway.” .. good plan.
a beautiful solution.
We eloped. Only a few people knew. At the venue we were asked if anyone was attending with us and we said no. The officiant told us they’d had plenty of situations where people had planned intimate ceremonies but had relatives turn up as a ‘surprise’. I spent half the wedding with one eye on the door. Tell no one.