i (m18) js joined a band that has a lot of singing. i thought it would be something fun to connect with more high end musicians but realized it was a group of people that enjoy music and each person has a slight background in some sort of music. Being a music major in college and a practicing musician of 6 years i feel im one of the more (not most) qualified to give advice and help out despite my age. after helping someone with hearing and hitting the right vocal pitch, said member goes to the bathroom. the rest of the members start telling me how my criticism wasnt wanted and how it was rude and how i should ask prior to fixing the (very clear) issue.
all i did was ask the person (who has a slight background in drums and miscellaneous percussion) to match my concert G pitch and explained how when singing or playing something it get very easy to fall off the pitch, as it has happened to me several times, then proceeded to talk to the music director about it; even he commented on how he heard it but didnt say anything.
i tend to have a blunt nature and state things as it is as a result to my music profession: state the problem, fix it, keep going. its nothing against the person who did something wrong, mistakes happen all the time but turning a blind eye to it will make the mistake a problem. i dont believe i said anything negative or degrading.
Am i the asshole for trying to fix something that would benefit us as a group? please tell me if i am and hoe i should change the next possible outcome
This is a really good way to make them all hate you
YTA
Soft YTA. Your advice might be correct but timing and consent matter more than pitch accuracy. You just joined and went straight into coach mode without checking the vibe.
INFO – At any time was your feedback and criticism asked for?
Well, yeah, I think YTA.
For better or worse, music (like all art) is something that people can practice with the goal of technical perfection or literally just because they think it’s fun, or both, or anywhere in between. It sounds like you’re more on the technical perfection end of things, which is fine….but when you join a group, you need to read the room and figure out if your vibe matches what the pre-existing group is here to do.
Sounds like this is not a “offer unsolicited technical critiques” group. Now you know, so you get to decide if it’s a group for you or not!
I think we need to know the objective of the band. If it’s too get together and sing and have a good time with friends, then Y T A. Gotta let it go because the point is fun, not perfection. HOWEVER. If the group wants to have performances or “further their skills”, then N T A. Getting better requires vulnerability to listen to outside voices on what you need work on.
How blunt were you and how well do you know these other people? How long had that drummer been part of the group before you joined? How obvious was the missed pitch? Are you being a perfectionist or was it blatantly bad? Maybe you just need to work on your tact, or have a more senior member do the corrections.
YTA unless someone asks for your opinion or advice, STFU. Stop making excuses and just don’t spew forth your thoughts when they aren’t wanted.
YTA. They didn’t ask for advice and it sounds like a teacher was there to help fix the problem if needed. Next time, just don’t say anything. People will like you a lot more if you don’t correct them if they didn’t ask.
And a life tip: absolutely nobody likes someone who is “blunt”. It’s not fun or truth telling or honest or whatever it is that makes you feel like you should do it. It’s just an excuse to be mean and to not pick up on/understand social cues
Soft YTA, you gotta ask first some people do like the pitchiness (I know some people who deliberately do that.) and if it’s just messing around it’s not that deep and you should absolutely ask first. While being helpful is nice not everyone wants help and forcing them comes across in an unfavourable way, it’s a good quality to be ready to offer help and to help without minding it but it can be taken as a know it all thing if you give advice or try to help with things no one asked for— going into professional mode in a chill setting can also despite intention be taken that way.
Ask first before offering or have a conversation about for future reference will you like to be corrected regardless of setting.
INFO: Is this generally a collaborative space or do you all follow the director?
Generally speaking in a performance group it’s rude and unproductive to give feedback if you’re not the director. It gives mixed messages and is an overstep. But as a music major I’m surprised if you don’t already know this so I’m wondering whether the vibes of this group are different somehow. I’m leaning Y T A overall.
YTA. Sounds like you’re not just blunt but an arrogant know-it-all. So you’ve got six years of experience and you’re a music major. So what? I’m willing to bet some of those other singers have more experience than you do. It’s not okay to start bossing people around when you just started.
“I tend to have a blunt nature” is what people say when they’re used to being AH.
YTA for giving unsolicited feedback, “advice” and “corrections” in front of everyone WHEN EVEN THE MUSIC DIRECTOR DIDN’T DO IT.
The music director noticed and didn’t say anything because he’s not an AH and probably was waiting for practice to be over to give feedback and correction in a private conversation, like any other decent human being would.
You tell them they are doing it wrong – do you think they are bad and won’t improve without your guidance, or is it a once off and can be ignored? Do you want someone to tell you every small mistake you are making?
Why would you not denouncing someone else’s mistake make it into a bigger problem? The director didn’t think it was worth mentioning – what do you think about that?
Maybe allow other people to make small mistakes and only discuss it as a problem if it continues.
You’ll probably push band mates to do better. But will you fit in the group? Are you *that* good at what you do? Are the group good enough for your ambitions?
Are you … an asshole? Probably YTA
YTA
This isn’t your band. You are not in charge.
And you are not a music professional.
Oh, you’ve been a “practicing musician” for 6 years? You were 12 six years ago. So, what? You were in the school band? 😆
Also, blunt is just a term people use in an effort to justify being an AH. Learn how to communicate with people without being a rude AH.