So this actually happened to my (35M) wife, Hannah (32F, name changed). We live in a small/medium-sized apartment building with a shared laundry room (4 washers / 4 dryers).
Yesterday, Hannah was doing laundry and when she needed the dryers she found all of them taken but finished, with their cycles completed. And none of the owners were there. She chose a dryer, moved the finished laundry to the top of a machine and started her load.
When she later went down to retrieve her laundry, she found her clothes placed, still wet, on top of the dryer, with the dryer having completed a full cycle empty. The other resident (whose laundry she had moved) was there at the time and told her he removed all of her clothing and restarted the dryer because he was upset that she touched his laundry.
He was pretty angry and said he now needed to completely redo his laundry because he didn’t know how she had handled it, and because of his “lost time” he was justified in inconveniencing her in return. He also seemed to think she had targeted his laundry specifically. He kept asking why she moved *his* laundry instead of the load that was left for longer, and why she put his laundry on top of another machine instead of the one it came from.
Her answer: she didn’t know which machines finished first, and she assumed the laundry belonged to the same person since multiple machines were done.
He claimed he came down “right when” his laundry finished, which I personally find hard to believe, since she was able to move it and start her cycle before he showed up.
She said he started out pretty aggressive, but she apologized, saying that their real frustration is shared–people who dont pick up their laundry on time. This diffused the situation a bit, but he didn’t apologize and the interaction left her feeling pretty shaken.
I spoke to him afterward and he admitted to stopping the cycle and removing her laundry, saying we should have “given him more time.” But honestly, how are we supposed to know how long a load has been sitting finished when they are done and unattended?
I don’t love people touching my laundry either, but in a shared laundry room, once a cycle is done and someone needs the machine, that’s sort of how it works. We all try to be polite and avoid moving others’ stuff, but if that really bothers you, in my opinion, you probably need to babysit your laundry.
So are we TA here? I know laundry room etiquette can be polarizing.
**TL;DR:** My wife moved finished laundry to use a dryer in a shared laundry room. The owner retaliated by stopping her active cycle and removing her laundry. AITA?
Edit: Thanks everyone for your perspectives. We’ve spoken with management and clearer signage is going to be posted about unattended laundry and expectations. The general guidance is that if you don’t want your laundry moved, you need to be present when the cycle finishes. But I also agree with those who suggested waiting a few minutes before moving any laundry.
It can be hard to tell how long a load has been sitting when you walk in an the machines are already done, but it’s reasonable to set a timer to allow for a window of time for someone to retrieve their stuff.
Some people also suggested leaving a name / number with a load, and bringing a basket so laundry has a clean place to go if it does need to be moved. We’ll be doing that going forward and I’ll pass the idea along to management.
And not that it matters, but just to clarify: the load she moved was towels. Not that touching anyone else’s laundry is ideal, but it is at least less intrusive moving someone’s underwear or clothing.
Thanks again everyone, and make sure to set your timers!
NTA apartment building/ laundromat etiquette is move it on time or anyone else is free to. He stole from you by interrupting your load, complain to the landlord I would. You’re absolutely right, those who dont want their stuff touched must time by the minute and arrive promptly. He’s lying his timing wasnt spot on.
NTA. Consider talking to apartment management about some signs or policies posted that relate to the shared laundry, including that if your load has been completed and someone needs it, they are within their rights to move your clothes. Moving somebody’s COMPLETED clothes out of the machine is perfectly reasonable. If someone doesn’t want anyone else touching their clothes they’d sure as shit better be there to move it. His behavior was despicable and unhinged. Clothes left out wet is more than a waste of time. He seems paranoid and over-reactive to say the least.
ESH. I get it, it’s annoying, but still shouldn’t be moving it. If it’s an ongoing problem, it’s something the management/landlord should be addressing. I think it’s worse to move wet clothes, but even dry clothes on a top of a dirty machine might give someone the ick.
That being said, back when I lived in an apartment, I always left my laundry basket on the machine in case someone felt the need to move my stuff. (I also set an alarm so I didn’t forget my stuff). It’s just part of apartment living. Unless you find a place with in unit laundry, you might have to deal with rude neighbors forgetting their laundry or moving yours.
NTA. When there is limited space and people don’t respect that it’s messed up and rude
While nobody likes strangers touching their underpants, it must be accepted in shared laundry rooms if you don’t set a timer to come back for your laundry. NTA. This dude is nuts and his retaliation is unsettling.
I would check again in 5 minutes. The laundry could have finished seconds ago for all you know, and the neighbor might have been on his way.
Or you could plan to show up 5-10 minutes early when you are doing laundry in a shared space, or accept that someone will move your laundry. Plus if she was there longer enough to remove her clothes (and probably sort through what was going in the dryer and what was to be hung dry) she probably was there for a about 5 minutes with the dryers done that entire time.
NTA, this is basic etiquette.
I usually fold the dry laundry carefully and place it in a clean basket, just to prevent someone panicking about their stuff possibly being handled by someone nasty. I get that ppl forget things, and hope that I’d be given similar grace.
Even so, the spiteful theft of your wife’s drying time by leaving wet clothes on top of the machine is gross and sounds psychotic.
YwifeTA. You don’t touch people’s clothes. Period. Unless its been hours. But you dont just immediately touch peoples intimate things and move them around after having absolutely no idea how long its been there. And considering he made it back by the time your wife’s clothes had not dried at all and we still sopping wet that shows that she didnt actually “wait” at all. The proper thing to do, especially when not having an understanding of anyone else’s timeline and when their machines finished, is to go back home and come back in 20/30 minutes to check.
Your wife didnt wait. She didn’t give people the chance to retrieve their clothes. She just made the executive decision for everyone involved that her time and her clothes were more important than everyone else.
And I agree with the man in that id want to redo my laundry as well. I dont know you. I dont know if youre relatively clean people. I dont know what youre hands have touched or what my private clothes have now touched while being moved around by strangers. If a strangers moves my load, especially with underwear in it, im absolutely washing that shit again.
NTA
Most shared laundry rooms I’ve used have signs about unattended laundry. If you leave your laundry unattended, expect someone to handle it if the machine finishes and someone else needs it.
Ehh NTA but I would have given 10 minutes or so. I agree that “this is how it goes” to an extent, and you can’t wait forever. But it’s also creepy to have someone touch your stuff, and you don’t want to be the ahole of the apartment complex. You need to all work together. She was impatient and look where it got her. The other guy should have been early, but he wasn’t. It’s not hard to think of everyone, not just yourselves.
The combo of the spite involved in running the dryer empty, which is probably not great for it, and the chaotic paranoia it takes to assume you need to wash your laundry again because someone moved it directly to a suitable holding place and then go straight into accusations that it was specifically targeted at him, would make me want to give this person a wide berth.
ETA: 100% NTA
OP – look it’s fair if its your cycle, you might not at the exact moment it finishes be there. Your wife didn’t seem to wait a reasonable period.
I’d be pissed if someone removed my laundry.
Your view is that people in apartments shpuld operate like they are at a laundromart and I don’t agree. It’s perfectly fine to leave your clothes to dry for let’s say 60 mins and then 60 mins later leave your apt to retrieve them.
While yes you don’t know how long it’s been there, you should be reasonable.
YTA