AITA for telling my best friend I won’t be able to make it to her birthday dinner on Sunday but can still visit that weekend or any other weekend that works her. So my best friend lives in NY I’m in CT. Her birthday is coming up and falls on a Monday so she is celebrating with a dinner on Sunday around 6-7 PM she invited me and said she would prefer I tend her dinner rather than me spending the night any other weekend. The problem is I don’t have a car and it would be my fiancè taking me.. he always take me to NY to visit her or even offers to pick her up to come here to CT but I still feel bad because we both work the next day and we would probably be getting home late.. So I told her I wouldn’t be able to but I would still love to celebrate with her that same weekend id ust be leaving earlier.. She’s now ignoring me it’s been a few days.. I feel really guilty because I know her birthday means a lot to her and it’s hard for me to show up when I’m so far but I’ve been trying my best whole also trying not to bother my boyfriend with picking us up or dropping us off all the time.. although he doesn’t mind and is really sweet about it. If it was on a Saturday it would be less inconvenient! ): help! Am I being a bad friend ?????
NTA. Couldn’t she schedule it earlier? Sems a reasonable ask.
NTA
NTA in this case because if she wants people to attend her birthday party she needs to make it at a time that’s convenient for people. Late in the evening on a Sunday when people are traveling from out-of-state and need to be at work the next day is not convenient.
However, I’m giving you a light A H rating for making your boyfriend drive you in his car in city traffic when there are fantastic public transportation options.
NTA. Expecting someone to travel from another state for Sunday night dinner party is insan3 behavior.
Right? This is literally unhinged. Some people seem to think their birthday is way more important than it is
NTA at all. Having a dinner when people have to work the next day is already a bit thoughtless; when they have to travel as well, doubly so. She’s being selfish and unreasonable to give you the cold shoulder over that.
Most adults understand that other adults work, and celebrate things on the closest Saturday. First rule of being a host is hospitality: being considerate of your guests.
NTA and her behavior of ignoring you is childish and immature. I would stop trying to communicate because you’ve already explained you can’t make it and why. If she is unwilling to understand then she’s being quite selfish of her “best friends” time, energy and inconvenience. Even unwilling to allow another time to celebrate?! Is she 3 years old?! Did you leave that detail out?! Jk but it’s sounding as if she’s a toddler with this sort of behavior around a birthday. Especially as an adult. A friend should be far more understanding. Especially as you’ve made it in so many other times.
NTA I have a lot of dinner parties where I invite close friends from neighboring states. I plan them to start in the afternoon on Saturdays, because I value my friends’ convenience. And either way it sounds like you RSVPd on a reasonable schedule and offered alternatives.
What kind of a working grownup schedules a party on Sunday night when everyone has to work the next day?! NTA
How long is the drive/where in CT are you located? Would the train be an option? Lots of commuter trains from parts of CT to NYC.
Her behavior of not talking to you is childish though.
NTA. She knows you don’t drive yourself. Is she expecting you to take a train in and out of the city? Super late at night? Does she expect you to miss work on Monday for her? How often does she visit you without your boyfriend making it happen?
You are a good friend. Your so called “friend” is pretty inconsiderate of your time. Stop reaching out. Stop putting energy into this relationship. I’m sorry.