My fiancé (26F) and I (27F) own our home in Philadelphia and we live there with our two cats. My best friend (28F) is in a long-distance relationship with her fiancé (31M), who lives near Albany, NY. When they first started dating six years ago, he lived in a apartment with a roommate, worked 12-hour warehouse shifts, and didn’t have a car. After two years the job became too strenuous, he quit, and moved in with his aunt rent-free. For the next four years he didn’t work and spent most of his time with his friends, smoking weed and gaming 3–4 times a week. His excuse for not finding another job was that his aunt’s car broke down (which he used to get to his warehouse job ) and the city was an hour away.
Two years ago my best friend got a job opportunity in Connecticut, got to move closer to him and asked him to move in with her, but he refused without giving any real explanation. She assumed it was because of the car situation even though she was even willing to share hers temporarily.
During that year things became financially stressful for her, so she asked if she could move in with my fiancé and I with her three cats . We agreed since we had a spare bedroom and gave her three months to get back on her feet but said after that she will need to pay $700 for rent. She agreed but within four months of living with us she quit her job, and for the next four months she bounced from job to job. Because of that, my fiancé and I barely received rent. We’d occasionally get $100–$200. She came to us that she was struggling still so we agreed to lower her rent to $400. Now in two months of that her having a job she really enjoys and wants to pursue as our career we been having to remind her to pay rent.
Fast forward to 4 months ago: he won a couple thousand dollars on a scratch ticket, bought a car outright, and finally has a job in by where he lives in New York. Now My best friend feels they’ve been together long enough and asked him about getting married. He agreed, so now they’re planning a courthouse wedding in two months. ( don’t ask why she’s rushing to get married. I have no clue but I know for sure it’s not because she’s pregnant.)
Last week she asked me if he could move in with us, and I told her no. We already have five cats in the house between the three of us, and he has two more meaning seven cats total. On top of that, my fiancé, my best friend, and I are all comfortable not wearing pants at home, and that would have to change for him. My fiancé also has trauma and doesn’t feel comfortable living with a man she doesn’t know well not because he’d do anything, but because of her PTSD. And he would still need to find a job down here, which means both of them would rely on us financially until he’s stable. It doesn’t make sense, especially since he’s currently living rent-free where he is. So am I the asshole?
Sounds like you have a freeloader, not a best friend. At least she’s found her match…
NTA but probably time to have her move out too.
She’s shown you exactly who she is. Letting him move in would just be doubling down on a bad situation.
Nta
Tell the best friend to move in with him
NTA
If you let him move in, you’ll never get rid of either of them.
NTA. You don’t need two freeloaders living with you. Both have shown their failure to adult several times. If he moved in it’d take an eviction and an exorcist to get them both out.
NTA.
Your friend has a hard time being respectful of your living arrangements.
It’s almost certain her less than conscientious bf would be worse about respecting any agreement you all came to about living arrangements.
Honestly you need to kick her out.
NTA. The bf is a total loser and you’d never get rid of him. Do not let this man into your house. He will always have an excuse why he can’t pay rent/help/do something. Your friend is going to be unhappy. Let them find their own place. You’ve been overly generous and helpful.
NTA. I would absolutely not want a front row seat for whatever chaos is unleashed when these two actually live together for the first time. Based on his history, I’m guessing they’ll have some struggles.
They should be entirely responsible for their living space as a couple and not as a further imposition on the two of you beyond how generous you’ve been with her. She’s turning your 3-month offer into her long-term family home, and that wasn’t the deal.
It also doesn’t make sense for him to leave a job he just got for any of this. He needs to hold down a job and save some money.
📢 everybody needs to go to their own home!!!
NTA, best friend can get out too
NTA- I feel she’s really taking advantage of you and your GF kindness. I wouldn’t feel bad at all about telling her no. She and her BF need to make it on their own or go live with his Aunt together.
NTA – time to tell your friend she has 60 days to move out, and let her know the fiancé is not welcome to spend the night.
NTA but she needs to move out or you need to have her pay actual rent. Stop enabling.
NTA but your friend needs to go too. She’s behind on rent and I’m betting your fiancé is just about done with this riff raff that comes along with this friend you’ve assumed responsibility over. You’re allowing a lot of chaos in your life and your partners that you don’t need to. Choose your partner and your pets and build your life as adults.