Ok, I know the title of this post sounds kind of complicated, but I have been going crazy thinking about this.
**Some background info:** I do this very niche activity where you practice 12-hour days throughout the summer with about 100-150 other people, and so you quickly build family-like bonds with the people you practice with. This past summer was my third season with this group and I was one of the leaders. My first two seasons I had a blast with the group and really felt like this was the group I was meant to be with, but this past season I had a terrible time to the point where I was hating the activity altogether. Keep in mind too that this was my 10th consecutive year doing the activity and I have been with about 5 other groups in the past. This is not an uncommon thing to move from group to group based on location/skill/personal preference/etc.
For some additional context, I love this activity with my whole heart and owe everything that I am to the activity. In my eyes, the fact that this group made me hate the activity was so unforgivable that I began to build a resentment towards the group.
Fast forward to now, I am now auditioning for their biggest competitor group, but only because it is the next most feasible option for me. People in the group keep telling me that I should be loyal to them and come back, and that "everyone has bad seasons". My issue with this line of thinking is that, for me, it wasn’t just "a bad season", it was the season that almost made me almost quit the activity altogether. On top of this, someone very important to me is the director of this group and doesn’t seem to understand how hurt I was by this past season, but at the same time I can see why they feel this way because they have been with this same group for longer than I have been alive. Like me, this activity has also made them who they are today, but the difference is that I have moved around to different groups and they have just stayed with this group.
Within the past week, I gave them a call to have a conversation about how I will be auditioning for their biggest competitor because I thought that just ignoring the problem between us would be like ignoring "the giant pink elephant in the room" whenever we happen to be around each other. Today I find out that the person thought that I should not have talked to them about it and that they would have rather just not talk about it.
**AITA for thinking/feeling this way?**
What are you talking about? Debate team? Fantasy football?
The activity is called drum corps, or “DCI”
Drum corps is a serious commitment. I can’t judge this other than ESH.
No need to care about anyone’s feelings. You’re not doing anything wrong, you’re just putting yourself, your time and your energy first. NTA even a little bit. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions but only yours count in this situation. Enjoy making a new friend group and good luck with the auditions!
What is this activity and what age brackets?
Is this a competitive orgy?
Drum corps
Ah
I mean you can just join whoever you want. Youre an adult and dont really owe anyone an explanation.
If you want to burn your bridge you can tell the director why they suck. If you want to keep it neutral you can just say something along the lines of im going on another direction, thanks for the memories and im moving on
>a competitive orgy
giggity. (I know you made a typeo but it made me laugh really hard, thanks for the chuckle)
I think you’re NTA, especially if the negative experience made you want to quit the activity all together, you deserve to give the activity another try in a new environment, even if that new environment is the ‘competitor’.
We can outgrow groups in our lives, and if the old group handled it better maybe they’d have better group member retention, now they’re losing a member because of poorly managing that member’s satisfaction. The group can only demand loyalty if they provide a good experience. If they don’t, why should someone be loyal to them? It’s like having a toxic gf or bf, what are you getting out of it except for bad treatment? Loyalty is earned.
I think you should just move forward with what’s best for you in mind, and give the new group a chance. Good luck.
YTA for not telling us what the activity is. Ridiculous.
I think NAH (depending on how bad the corps was to you the previous summer – they may be AHs for that part but that’s not the current question). I fully guessed this was DCI in the middle of reading the post based on the environment you’re describing. I think you’d need to ask in a DCI specific forum/talk to friends to find out if telling your initial corps about your audition was normal behavior or not – it feels odd to me especially since you don’t know you have a spot yet in the new corps, but I don’t know the standard etiquette (and letting them know you were auditioning elsewhere might be awkward but isn’t necessarily an AH thing). It sounds like whomever you called told someone else they thought your behavior was odd and that got back to you somehow which I also don’t think is inherently AH behavior on their part just for discussing with someone else that the way you notified them was uncomfortable.
For what it’s worth, I never did DCI but my best friend marched for 3 summers and before his 3rd summer he was offered a spot at a “rival” corps but he didn’t take it out of loyalty (even though he had a bad 2nd year) and he deeply regretted not switching. In the end, he quit before what would’ve been his age out season because he had such a bad 3rd year (among other reasons). And now the corps he marched for is defunct – so with the landscape over the past years on DCI I would not focus too much on loyalty.
NTA
this sounds like drum corps 😁
Just came to say I thought this was about larping