So my fiancé (28F) and I (27F) are planning to have our wedding this summer (in early August). We recently sent out all of the invitations, however my sister (22F) responded almost imminently to inform me of a problem with the date.
Apparently, the date of our wedding happens to fall on the same date as some music festival that she wants to go to. My sister called me in tears the other day saying that she was so torn between the festival and my wedding, and I had put her in such an unfair position by having my wedding that same weekend.
For a minute I thought she wasn’t being serious, but I was wrong.
I firmly told her no, we had already rented the venue and purchased a number of other things for the wedding. She said she understood but kept bringing it up in different ways, suggesting a Friday wedding, suggesting we postpone to fall, suggesting a smaller ceremony now and a bigger party later. What made me snap is when she said she needs to “do what’s best for her mental health” and that music festivals are what she looks forward to all year. I was done with this conversation at this point and just hung up the phone.
My parents are now involved. They aren’t telling me to change the date, but they keep saying things like, “Is there really no flexibility?” and “Family harmony is more important than one day.” My mom suggested that maybe I’m being rigid and that “it’s just a party.” Which infuriated me because its my WEDDING not just some party.
Now my sister is saying she might not come at all, and if she doesn’t attend, she’ll “need space” afterward because she doesn’t want resentment to build. Some extended family members have also started messaging me asking why there’s drama and implying I could “solve this easily.”
I feel like I’m going crazy. I genuinely don’t think it’s reasonable to reschedule an entire wedding over some music festival that only my sister is going to, but the way this has escalated makes me question myself.
So… AITA for refusing to move my wedding date so my sister can go to a festival?
Your sister could resolve this easily.
She can choose the festival if she wants but why are you expected to accommodate her.
I’d be inclined to give her the space she says she wants for making this an issue.
NTA
If your sister really didn’t know the date of your wedding before she received your invitation, I’m curious about how close the two of you are!
Regardless, the date is set, and your sister can choose which event she’d like to attend.
NTA
NTA. Your sister sounds immature. Give her all the space she needs….to grow up.
NTA.
The only way YWBTA in this scenario would be if your sister attended the same music festival annually for multiple years in a row and you knew about it when booking your wedding date.
The way I read it is that your wedding date is on the books and you had no knowledge that your sister was interested in attending a festival that same weekend.
NTA, sounds like we can see who the favorite is or she’s spinning the story. No way one music festival is more important than your sisters wedding
NTA. Its your wedding. You pick the date. That also means that you need to be OK with people not making it if they have other plans.
It’s a music festival. I think these occur at a higher rate of frequency than do your weddings. I hope so, anyway.
I don’t care if they’re wheeling Gregg Allman’s casket onto the stage – she should be at your wedding. NTA
If a music festival is more important than your wedding, I think it’s perfectly fine she sit this wedding out. NTA.
Give your sister the “out” and graciously give her your blessings to tend to her mental well being at this concert. No hard feelings. Then move forward and enjoy a beautiful day. If your parents try to push you to change and it’s too stressful then go and elope at some beautiful destination along with your best man and maid of honor. Good luck.
Tell your sister to enjoy the festival and tell your parents to stay out of it.
This is extreme. In a world that made sense, the parents would ask the concert-goer about flexibility and priorities, not the bride who has put money down on venues for a decided-upon on date, presumably with the groom and his family having been a part of that planning process. In no sane world would it be worthwhile to have the sister attend after all this, bother with bridging the space she wanted after the wedding, or having much to do with the parents who sided with her. NTA
Is there really no flexibility?”
Well, flexibility means we lose all of our deposits, Mom. My running total is around $xx,xxx. When your check to me clears I’ll consider rescheduling.
Wait, so you picked your date and even locked in your venue & sent invites (not even Save the Dates!?) BEFORE you checked with your VIPs that it would work for them?? That’s like one of the top rules of wedding planning: make your list of absolutely-must-be-there guests and run potential dates by them FIRST before setting anything in stone. Since you didn’t do this, I’m going to go with NAH because your sister certainly would have told you that date wouldn’t work for her if you had run it by her before locking everything in.
This can’t be real. A wedding happens once. A music festival typically happens every year. The fact that your entire family thinks her going to a musical festival is more important than attending your wedding is absurd.
If by some stretch of the imagination that that this is real, tell her to go and have a good time. If anyone asks, tell them the trust. Sister had to go to the music festival for her mental health and that was more important than being at your wedding. Done deal..