I have a specific way of making baked mac and cheese. It’s the only thing I’m known for at family gatherings. My SIL asked for the recipe, and I told her I’d rather keep it a secret. She called me gatekeeper-y and says I’m being "childish" over noodles. My brother says I should just give it to her to keep the peace. AITA?
NTA.
It’s just a recipe, not a life-saving treatment for snakebite. If she wants to find a good mac & cheese recipe, she can find one online. There are hundreds of them.
YTA. I don’t understand gatekeeping recipes. Teaching other people your recipes is a great way to connect. I still get messages near the holidays from people I haven’t seen in years that they made my sugar cookie recipe and it was a hit. That makes me feel better than being the only one who knows the recipe.
This might be a case of not wanting to connect with SIL.
Well you generally choose to connect with people who are good to you, not people calling you names. Maybe OP gets more joy out of being known for something, having a role within the family, than they would get connecting with someone so rude.
YTA. My ex-MIL refused to share her potato salad recipe with anyone, including my son (her grandson). She said she was going to take it with her to the grave, and she did. Why do you care if someone else knows how to make your mac and cheese? Seems selfish to me.
That’s such a weird flex.
“I’m the only one who will know this recipe ever!!! And when I die, it will die with me!!”
And now, she’s known as the weird grandma that wouldn’t share her recipe instead of “this amazing potato salad recipe was made by my Grandma. Eating this reminds me of sitting on her dining room table on Sundays”
I can’t decide if I think she was doing it as a power trip or if she hid the recipe bc she was using questionable ingredients that just made it tasty.
Nah, to be an AH you have to give her the recipe but without 1 crucial step or ingredient.
Now THAT would be full AH mode and keep you Queen Of The Mac And Cheese.
NTA. It’s your recipe. It isn’t hers. If being the person that is known for delicious Mac and Cheese makes you happy- good deal! It’s your thing. You can choose not to share your own recipe.
I hate when people use “gatekeeping” when they want something from you. Gatekeeping is like, refusing to say what store carries the shoes you’re wearing.
No. It’s a complete sentence. You don’t have to keep the peace because she wants your thing. Even if you give it to her, she’ll claim you left an ingredient out to ruin it for her. Just don’t do it.
Can we have it?
I’ve never understood keeping a recipe secret. I’m always flattered when someone likes my food enough to want to know how to make it themselves.
It seems so childish to not share recipes.
I mean I’m not a recipe gate keeper but to call it childish is wild.
Children want things and have trouble understanding “no.” That’s childish.
An adult person is perfectly within their right to keep a recipe to themselves. That’s not “childish.” It’s just something they wish to do, it’s theirs and it’s their autonomy and right to do so even if you don’t like it. But because you want it, and they don’t want to give it, it’s childish? Ironic.
NTA- She’s right you are gatekeeping, but it’s over YOUR recipe. I am all for sharing recipes with others if that is what you want, but I also don’t blame people who don’t want to share them. I am the same way with my snickerdoodles. It’s my own recipe that I worked on, and I don’t really plan to share it anytime soon bc it’s mine.
Maybe it’s a little selfish, but we’re all selfish in our own ways. People aren’t entitled to dictate what you do or don’t choose to share with them
YTA I’ll never understand petty people who won’t share recipes. Are you so insecure that you think you won’t be special anymore if someone else can make good mac & cheese?
NTA.
I think it is easier to share a recipe with a stranger because they are going to go back to where they came from and use it there. Your paths will not cross.
When you share with a relative, often they will claim the dish as their own the next time there is a family gathering and take credit for it. I have seen it happen. Your SIL can experiment and get her own recipe.