I (28F) have a massive sugar addiction. It’s bad. I’ve been working with a therapist and we decided the only way for me to get clean is to have a 100% "dry" house. My husband "Mark" (30M) agreed to this. He said he was happy to help me.
Well, I’ve been feeling super triggered lately and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I found a Snickers wrapper in the bottom of the kitchen bin. I confronted him and he played dumb, said it must have been from a coworker.
I didn’t believe him. I waited until he was in the shower and took his car keys. I searched his trunk and found a literal "emergency kit" hidden inside a spare tire well. It was a suitcase packed with Reese’s Cups, Oreos, and those giant Hershey bars.
I lost it. I took the whole bag and drove it to a trash can a few blocks away. When Mark got home, I told him he is officially required to let me inspect any bags he brings into the house first. He also has to ask me before he goes into the kitchen for snacks, since he "broke the contract."
Mark is furious. He says that just because I can’t control myself doesn’t mean he has to live like this in his own home. He says searching his car was a massive violation of privacy and he’s now sleeping on the couch.
I feel like he’s gaslighting me. He promised a sugar-free house, and the car is on our property, so it counts!! Now he’s saying I’m being "unreasonable" and he’s refusing to apologize for the lying. My friends think the kitchen lockout is too much, but I feel like I’m fighting for my life here.
AITA for enforcing the rules we BOTH agreed on?
Edit: I am reading everything. It’s a lot to take in and honestly, it’s painful to see myself through your eyes. I think I’m having a genuine mental health crisis related to the withdrawal and I’ve turned into a person I hate and I’m going to apologize to Mark as soon as he’s up. Thank you for the harsh wake-up call; I clearly need to go back to my therapist and apologize to my husband.
YTA! He is not eating sweet things around you, which is all you can really expect. He is not gaslighting you. you’re being controlling and quite toxic. You can make your issue his issue. He can eat his sweets away from you to help support you, but you have no right to dictate what he does outside your home or your company. Also, this is an unhealthy way to deal with your issue. You can’t control your environment 100% of the time, what happens when you go to work, social functions, or even grocery shopping.
Also, you had no right to search his car. You massively overstepped.
Edit: more details
YTA
YTA
He did keep the kitchen sugar free, and you don’t get to tell him if he can eat sweets outside the home (in the car)!
Why are your digging in the trash? I’m so sorry and I hope you get better soon, it seems to be a very big addiction.
If this isn’t fáke, anyway.
I’m finding it hard to believe that someone is this unselfreflective but yeah, your friends are right, YTA. He’s not eating it in front of you, not even bringing it into the house, let the man have his treats
YTA.
I find it hard to believe that you were super triggered by the scent of a empty snickers wrapper at the bottom of the trash can which then drove you to search his car outside of the house.
I’m not sure your therapist is very good. This coping strategy doesn’t sound like it is addressing the root cause of your addiction at all. YTA
YTA Why are you searching the bin? Hrs keeping bits out of your way. He doesn’t have a sugar addiction. He shouldn’t have to give it up
Why are you searching him as if he is the one with the problem
Wtf… girl your addiction is YOUR own problem. Your husband is being plenty supportive and I hope you can see that at some point before things get worse.
You need to get a hold of yourself, what you did was NOT ok, invading his privacy in his car was not ok, throwing away his items was not ok.
Go to a support group, keep going to therapy. Apologize to your husband
YTA, It’s good that you already have a therapist. I mean that in a shaming way. It’s good that you are already seeking help. I wish you the best and hope that you are able to overcome.
YTA
You are the one with the problem, your husband agreed to a dry house. The house has no sugar.
His car is HIS car.
You might be doing some serious harm to your marriage with this behaviour. Or maynlbe even creating an eating disorder for your husband if he needs to hide snacks.
Your sugar problem might not be your fault, but it is your responsibility.
YTA
THIS IS YOUR SUGAR ADDICTION, NOT HIS. He’s allowed to have snacks in his car! This is actually wild behavior on your part. His car is on the property so it counts? You’re massively overreaching. You can’t control what somebody else eats just because you can’t control yourself.
YTA. You’re being wildly unreasonable . He agreed to help *you* give up sugar, by not keeping it in the house or eating it in front of you. He didn’t agree to having his car searched or never eat it himself, and you’re 100% in the wrong here and owe him an apology.
**You** have a sugar addiction. Your husband **doesn’t**. As long as there are no visible signs of the problematic food in the house or easily seen by you, then what exactly is the problem? He hid the food from you to protect you – unless you regularly go rummaging around in the spare tyre well? Do you expect him never to eat a Snickers bar, just because **you** can’t control yourself? YTA
This is definitely worth breaking up over. You have a sugar problem and he has a “my partner is a controlling jerk who likes to make her problems my problem” problem. Probably best to part ways, so he can find someone to build a healthy relationship with.
YTA.
In the unlikely case this isn’t fake…. Your partner deserves better than this. You are being massively unreasonable. You asked for a sugar free house so you wouldn’t be tempted. He hid snacks in the car, which is a reasonable accommodation to your request. You owe him a sincere apology.