I have a 3 year old who is attending pre-school and getting continually sent home with a fever. Last week he was sent home with a fever even though we knew to test him ahead of time and he got 98.4. We picked him up and tested him again with our thermometer and he did not have a fever. I believe the school is lying and wrong and dumb for doing this – he is clearly not sick, does not look or feel like a sick child, he’s running and happy and has NO symptoms. Anyone looking at him and spending time with him would have absolutely no idea that he was "sick"… even if they were to test him with a thermometer.
My husband thinks that the school knows best, but I sort of lost it. I bought 5 thermometers and am testing him with each of them in front of the teachers at drop off, because well, I dont believe them and need to make a point. I also politely told them that I completely understand if they are understaffed and need to send home kids with a wink and a nod to indicate that I don’t believe them.
Even if it were a grey area and he were a little bit sick (which he is not), I’m sorry but save it for when he’s actually sick. It’s unreasonable for him to be out of school for 3 consecutive days with no fever and require the parents to not work. This is a private pre-school that also requires us to donate – IMO they need to grow a pair and do their job, send him home if he is actually sick but we can’t handle him being sent home so whimsically and without hesitation.
AITA?
NTA – but you may want to look into switching daycares. Is it possible your son isn’t fitting in and they are using the fever excuse instead of being real with you? I saw that in the nicest way, I’ve had bad experiences with daycares and it’s so hard to know what’s going on when your child can’t fill you in.
Sounds like they don’t want to be around your kid. Is he having any behavior problems they are communicating with you about?
INFO.
How would sending ONE child home make life for the pre-school any easier?
I could see that being a thing if the child had behavioural problems, but that’s something that the school needs to **inform** the parents about, not send the child home under false pretences.
Could there be a legal limit to how many children per teacher can be there? Then they’d be quite dumb to always pick your son to go home; it would be much harder for anybody to catch on if they picked a different child every day.
INFO Have you taken his temperature at the school when you’ve been asked to pick him up early?
YTA.
A fever develops later. Ask for them to take a picture when they take his temperature (this is now standard practice at many preschools).
You sound like the parent who will give Tylenol in the AM to drop the fever and then claim “but nothing’s wrong” when the fever comes back.
After they have a fever don’t you have or keep him home for 24 hours anyway? So how is he sent home 3 days in a row?
>I also politely told them that I completely understand if they are understaffed and need to send home kids with a wink and a nod to indicate that I don’t believe them.
YTA, because there is no “polite” way to tell someone you think they are a bunch of liars. Especially since you haven’t even tried the first step of genuinely asking them for clarification. E.g.,
“Can you help me understand why little Johnny was sent home yesterday? We checked his temperature as soon as we got him home and it was normal. He also wasn’t acting like he was sick, so I really want to understand what *you* were seeing that made you decide to send him home”
Because even if your son genuinely didn’t have a fever, there are numerous reasons why they might have believed he was (e.g. a miscalibrated thermometer or he gets overheated after certain activities so his temperature does appear to be higher)
The fact that you immediately jumped to “lying” and incompetence (“wrong and dumb”) means one of two things:
Option one: you are treating them unfairly by not even giving them the benefit of the doubt that they could have had a good reason for their actions. You are assuming laziness, incompetence and lying, despite not having any evidence to back your assumptions
Option two: there is other history you didn’t mention in the post that gives you actual reasons to believe that the school is untrustworthy and will routinely cut corners. And if that’s true, YTA for leaving your child in that environment (not to mention that your complaint is about your inconvenience rather than your child’s safety… If the school is untrustworthy, your child’s safety should be what is concerning you)
Yeah, the GIANT glaring omission is OP politely asking them to test him when she picks him up with THEIR thermometer…
everyone is just human. Mistakes can happen, but the speed with which OP jumps to the daycare having staffing issues, lying, etc, is weird and paranoid.
YTA
If he has a temperature he’s sick. Preschools have more than one child to consider and allowing a child with a temperature to stay could risk infecting the whole class and teacher. How long does it take you to collect him when they call? Kids can often come out of a fever very quickly. I’ve worked in preschool, sometimes in the time between a parent being called and the child being picked up, the child appears well again. This sort of passive aggressiveness isn’t going to foster a great relationship between you guys and the preschool. Have you brought your child to the PCP to confirm they are well? You could talk to the manager of the preschool and let them know that next time he has to be collected because he’s got a temperature that you will bring him straight to emergency and look for reimbursement of costs to prove he isn’t unwell. What is their illness policy? Most places have a 24-48 hour rule that kids stay home until 24/48 hours past the end of their illness, they may be forcing your hand to keep him home if they believe he’s ill but you won’t keep him home. Another commentor mentioned behavioural issues, maybe he’s acting up when he’s in preschool (especially if he knows he can go home if he does) ? And maybe the staff can’t handle him. Sending passive aggressive messages won’t solve this issue, you need to speak directly to the manager and come up with a resolution.
You may want to find out if other parents are having the same problem. What temperature does he have when they test? It probably should be brought up as temperatures do fluctuate throughout the day. Partly because of regular biological function and the activities just prior to taking a temperature. Also, some people generally have a higher temp but are normal for their bodies.
If they are continually sending him home with him being fine, there is a problem at the school. You are NTA. I would find out when they are doing the test and have them over a period of time. I think i would feel the same and would raise some alarm bells if it is a continual problem.
Just wanting to add – i wonder if there might be a medical issue with the child maintaining temp?
Like – when he runs around he might be getting hot, then staying hot instead of cooling back down? Or maybe hes just not taking his jumper off?
Certainly being a ‘difficult’ mum should prevent this from happening again if they’re lying, as the teachers won’t want to deal with you. Wait and see what happens next.
They have policies about when they have to send kids home. Your opinion on it isn’t relevant as those policies are generally based on state laws.
Ask for a picture of the temp when they take it.
No, it’s not unreasonable for him to miss 3 consecutive days. He’s 3.
And you can’t handle it? Too bad. That’s called parenting. You chose this.
YTA. Both for how you handled it and your overall attitude.
I’m a school nurse. I recommend getting an ear thermometer to check him.
Many of my parents try temporal, oral or even underarm but with young kids it’s hard to get an accurate reading. I have found that temporal temps are not accurate at all.
I have a braun thermoscan 6000 pro at my school but have been using a thermoscan 6 and 7 at home with great results. They are very fast with the results just taking a couple seconds.
If you give a child ibuprofen, Tylenol or a product containing those it will hide a fever for a short time usually about 4 hours. Those kids show up at around 12 pm sick in my office.
If the preschool is giving a fever reducing medication prior to sending the child home they will not usually have a fever 1 hour after taking the med. a fever is a sign that the student is contagious.
I have many parents ask me to give Tylenol or ibuprofen in my office. They then take the student to the doctor or home and recheck insisting they did not have a fever. I have a slip I send home that shows what the temp was at what time. It also shows what meds I gave in what dose and at what time they were given.
Oh boy are you going to be fun in kindergarten. Yta.
YTA.
“I bought 5 thermometers and am testing him with each of them in front of the teachers at drop off, because well, I dont believe them and need to make a point.” etc.