Over the past year or so I’ve gotten friendly with my barber and we started hanging out outside of my haircuts. A few months ago we went out for dinner/drinks and because I am a (female) physician she asked me to weigh in on what she might have been diagnosed with at an urgent care some years ago. She described a period of pelvic pain, was told at the urgent care that she had a "pelvic infection," and was subsequently treated with a "shot in the butt."
Pelvic infection in a woman in her 20s who is sexually active treated with a single intramuscular injection of an antibiotic is slam dunk an STI–it’s like she was writing a med school test question honestly. So I told her I thought she likely had pelvic inflammatory disease from an STI like gonorrhea, chlamydia, or syphilis.
She was slightly shocked, but generally laughed it off and said something to the effect of the guy she had been seeing at the time was probably cheating on her. We enjoyed the rest of the night and parted on great terms (or so I thought).
I reached out a few times over the following weeks to hang out again, but she kept making excuses. I really didn’t think anything of it because she had a lot going on in her professional and personal lives. Eventually I booked an appt for a haircut and she reached out to cancel the appt because: "our last interaction left me feeling pretty uncomfortable, specifically being told that you thought I had \[syphillis\] in a crowded restaurant."
I was completely blindsided by this and had no idea she felt that way. I responded saying as much and apologized for making her feel that way–explaining that it was not my intent at all, I just thought I was answering the question she had posed to me. And to clarify, we were having a conversation as a very normal volume in a crowded/noisy neighborhood gastropub, it’s not like I was screaming that she had an STI to the whole bar…
So, AITA for giving her my professional opinion which she solicited? Also, why not just say something to me one of the many times I reached out to hang again? And is this really worthy of throwing our entire friendship away? Does it overshadow entirely all my other good characteristics that made her want to be friends in the first place?
Clarifications: I did recommend she get her records from the urgent care to confirm what the diagnosis was and encouraged her in the future to advocate for herself in these situations so she can understand her own health.
NTA. She literally asked.
The doctors who didn’t explain it to her are the assholes. NTA
Totally agree and said the same thing!
I wonder why it’s on her mind now if it was years ago. Maybe she’s dealing with infertility?
NTA she asked you for your medical advice which you gave. Unfortunately the result of your advice was on a touchy subject. Sucks she has an sti and if you didn’t give your advice she could be dealing with it for much longer if a doctor would help more.
They may have, patients don’t always understand what they are being told.
So much this. I have a younger sister.. She has 2 brain cells and both fight over 10th place. She had a partial hysterectomy and she full on, to this day, believes that the surgeon only took half of her uterus.. the top half, to be more specific.
Yeah.. whatever you just thought, same.
Edited to add: She thinks she can still get pregnant with what she has left. That they cut the top bit of her uterus off, sewed the bottom portion back together and that she can still carry a baby to term.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. NTA for giving an honest answer.
NTA She’s absolutely embarrassed by this, is taking out her feelings on you – a classic “shoot the messenger” scenario – and you’ve probably lost the friendship, so move on.
Also, take this as a lesson. You got a case of doctoritis and gave a professional opinion to a friend, when your answer should have been to tell her to ask her own physician. Medical ethics tell doctors to avoid giving medical advice or opinions to friends and family for this very reason.
NTA we have to stop treating STIs like some moral failing. It’s unfortunate when it does happen, but she got it treated and moved on with her life. If we could talk about that as casually as we talk about strep throat or the stomach bug, we’d be better off.
Completely agree! When she was surprised by my answer I immediately said they are so common and so treatable and nothing to be ashamed of/embarrassed by!
Oh, I assumed she was just embarrassed and that’s why she doesn’t want to see you, but you reassured her and said the right things. What more could you do?
Jesus what a child she is. She asked a doctor for an armchair Monday morning quarterback diagnosis of what even I fucking know was likely an STI! She’s embarrassed and making you the problem. You’re not. At all. I would never tell a friend about a medical problem that was probably embarrassing, what the fuck did she think it was?! Jesus Christ on a motorbike. Nta
“Some years ago” sounds like two failures: 1) her doctor at the time failed to impart a diagnosis; 2) she failed to follow-up with questions like “hey, what is this shot in my ass taking care of?”
NTA.