My friend constantly complains that her ADHD prevents them from doing her homework. However, she seemingly has the time to attend most events on campus, go to parties, and if it’s not socializing, has the time to play the games in her backlog that she also complains about not getting to. She talks about her ADHD all the time in conversation and in her assignments for school.
When she came to me for genuine advice on time management, I gave it to her. She completely ignored it. This was a cycle that would repeat constantly. Eventually, I told her straight up that she just needs to do her homework and hang out with everyone less. She got pissed at me and went AWOL on her social media while still moping about her ADHD to me.
YTA
ADHD is complicated and if it was that easy it wouldn’t be a disability 🤷♂️
This. If you want to help her, do your homework with her.
Body doubling really helps those who have trouble with executive functions. She knows she has to do her homework and she knows she should be doing it instead of going out. However, if you were to stay home to do it, she’d probably clean her dorm room versus actually doing her homework.
If you ask her to go to the library with you, will you do your homework and she can sit across the table and do her homework and both of you sit quietly reading your textbooks, that might help her.
YTA, support would be encouraging her to talk to her doctor.
NTA – Tell her that you aren’t qualified to give her advice, and she should talk with one of the campus counselors. When my daughter was in college (being a more recent data point than my own college days), there were people available specifically for helping with disability and neurodivergence accommodations and support.
Presumably this is why ADHD is considered a life-crippling problem – because it prevents people from doing the things they should be doing.
YTA for treating it like it’s just a bit of procrastination., through your ignorance of it.
Sure, your friend should be getting treatment, therapy, something, to deal with it.
But you telling her to “just deal with it” displays a complete lack of understanding.
So, YTA.
You gave her your honest opinion. I don’t know what she expected you to say since you’re a student and not a doctor. You’re not ta for giving your opinion. She should talk to her parents, her school counselor, and medical doctor. Nta
Yes they are the asshole. You don’t get to school someone who has ADHD and you do not. Bottom line that’s wrong. So sick and tired of people telling me what I need to do. Like I said I’m 54 years old and if I could do it I would’ve already. Do you really think people with ADHD want to be troubled by this shit no and it keeps them from thriving in life. And people with this thought process about you can change if you want to they need to go F themselves
YTA. Learn a little bit about ADHD… I don’t have anyone close to me who has it, and even I know that ability to go socialize or play video games doesn’t translate to ability to do homework. Games are designed with a constant feedback loop, rewards and dopamine hits for doing small tasks, which is perfect for ADHD.
Homework is long, tedious, and relies on VERY delayed gratification and trust that the knowledge will help us make a living one day. Neurotypicals like us can sit down and “just do it”… Neuro spicy people cannot.
Every step of it would feel counterintuitive and like pulling hair. Your time management tips are likely what works for you, and may feel impossible for someone with ADHD to actually implement.
Nta. But it certainly wasn’t helpful. Do you want to be friends with this person? Do you feel they add something to your life? You can only control yourself and your actions/ words not what other people do. You can say what works for you when studying but she is going to have to figure out how to adult. You could help by doubling. Be in the same place each doing your own work. You could also say it sounds like they need to talk to the disability dept at school or their doctor.
I have so many friends tell me how to manage my time and all the “tips and tricks” they use. They, like OP, do not have ADHD and can’t seem to grasp that regular processes don’t work for me.
I’m 41. I’ve had ADHD my whole life. Trust me, I’ve tried every neuro-typical trick in the book. ADHD is complicated, and we’re only just now learning how different it is for women because previous studies focused solely on young boys. Adults and women/girls were left out completely.
YTA. Advise her to talk to the school about it. They will have options for her and are better equipped to help than you.
I agree! It just seems so ridiculous that people who don’t have something tell the person who does that they should act differently🤣 really at the age 54 do you not think I haven’t tried everything? Ignorance is bliss!$
YTA- i could hyperfixate on reading the same book 20x over but i could not focus on homework or cleaning up my room etc. I would do book reports etc the night before they were due even if i had a month to do it. I literally couldn’t understand myself, i wanted to do things without leaving them until the last possible second but no matter how much i tried i would always get distracted. To this very day i struggle and it’s not fun for me. Even when it comes to fun things i want to do i am often rushing to get ready in the last 5 min because i got distracted by a small chore which could have easily waited but suddenly it became a priority.
Being as kind as possible I can give you being ignorant rather than an AH, just a short to have an idea of how pointless standard advice on the topic is.
https://m.youtube.com/shorts/IpekAZcAnjA