On mobile, so excuse any formatting issues.
For context, I (25 f) had a LOT of emotional issues throughout my teenage years. The first time a doctor said "you have depression" I was 17, since then life’s been a rollercoaster. I had to be under meditation when I was 19, but I like to think I learned to live with it.
Back then, my mother (50) would always say I didn’t have depression and I was just lazy. She’d go as far as to say I didn’t actually have a reason to be depressed. She’s always been the kind of person that invalidates other people’s symptoms and feelings, she turns sickness and pain into a competition.
Lately she’s been feeling sick (she has a slight triglycerides issue), but today she said that she just wants to sleep and feels as if she’s "floating on a cloud" all the time. According to her, her doctor said it could be depression, but it’s the first time she mentions this.
I’ll admit I was kinda on edge cause I’ve been having some concerns regarding my own mental health and she’s always saying I’m exaggerating or just need to sleep more. Moreover, today she met a friend of hers who said they’ve been dealing with depression and my mother has a history of self diagnosing herself with other people’s symptoms.
So when she started complaining, looking for sympathy, I told her the exact same thing she used to tell me and she didn’t like it. She told me to go fuck myself and I don’t know if I was in the wrong cause I know I was being petty and part of me wants to get back at her for all of the times she made me feel small and like I was indeed faking or being lazy.
So AITA?
Imo NTA, I would do the same
ESH. Did you know there’s a large genetic component to depression? Your mother probably does have it. Even if that weren’t the case, you’re not inside somebody else’s body and brain. There’s not ever anything to be gained from saying “nuh-uh” when somebody tells you they’re having a health issue.
Obviously your mother sucks for invalidating you as a child and failing to provide you with medical care. But there are better ways of informing your mother that you’re not available to offer sympathy to her right now than this, particularly if you intend to have a good relationship with your mother going forward.
YTA. If you know how it felt for you why say it back to her? Why not use it as an opportunity to have a conversation with her about how she treated you.
Edit to add. You also could’ve just said nothing, told her you couldnt offer sympathy.
ESH. Sounds like a miserable person raised another miserable person. Why not just cut her out of your life if you hate her so much?
NTA. Well played 😂♟️
NTA. But only if you let her know that you don’t actually mean that, that you understand depression is real and a serious issue, but your reflex was to make her feel as invalidated as she made you feel before and that you were wrong, bc now I’m sure you both realize that’s an awful thing to do to another person let alone a family member you love.
NTA, mothers like that suck. I have one too. You did the right thing and I hope it felt good and freeing to you
Lots of mutual respect here I see
YTA. If you can’t be a decent adult to another adult who is vulnerable, then you need to stay shtum and step away.
Edited for clarity
NTA …. BUT and it’s a big one… You missed an opportune teachable moment. A more effective response would have been ” you know, when I was diagnosed with depression and dealing with similar problems worse symptoms you called me lazy and said nothing was wrong with me… Does that also apply to you? Mental health issues can be passed down genetically so maybe you should have been more sympathetic when your own child was struggling. ” …that being said.. she deserved it.
YTA, specifically because it *was* petty revenge. There is a world of difference between saying, “I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I’m also having a really hard time being very sympathetic right now, especially given how often you have pooh-poohed my own depression in the past” and parroting her own insults back to her.