So for a bit of context I (16) have been playing golf for about 5 years now and to be honest I have never really enjoyed it. It’s not that I don’t like sports, it’s just golf specifically that I strongly dislike. Anyways the reason I’ve been playing for the last few years is pretty much only because of my mom. She takes the sport quite seriously and she wants me to do so too. Part of the reason for that is that she likes having something she can do with me, as our interests hardly ever aline. Playing with her is not the problem for me, but the lessons I have to do with other kids my age is what I genuinely despise. I never want to go there and it genuinely makes my whole week worse when I now I have to go, even though its only like 10-15 times a year. The thing is, to be member of the club, you have to do these lessons, so for the last couple of years I’ve put up with it. Recently though I’ve been really busy with school and I really didn’t want to go. I took my stance and made it clear to my mom, but she just told me I had to go. So this morning I finally broke and just told her point blank that I’m only there for her and that I really really dislike going.
She told me I didn’t have to go today after a while and we haven’t spoken since. Even though I hate going I’m afraid I’ve made her sad or disappointed and this might lead to us not playing anymore. I feel like I did the right thing, but I also feel an incredible amount of guilt. I genuinely want to know, am I the asshole?
P.S. sorry for the bad writing, English is not my native language and also golf doesn’t have the same elitist stigma around itself in my country so don’t weigh that too heavily.
NTA. It’s normal to feel pressured and frustrated when a sport you don’t enjoy is pushed on you, especially if it makes your week worse. Your honesty is better than pretending and feeling unhappy, especially in the long run. Moms often want to bond through activities, but it’s okay to have different interests and express your boundaries. Feeling guilty is understandable, but standing up for what makes you happy is important. Hopefully, you can find other ways to connect that you both enjoy more
If you have been playing golf for five years and still don’t enjoy it, then enough is enough. Tell your mom that you gave it a good try but you don’t like golf and never will. Tell her she can play golf with her friends as much as she likes but it’s time for the two of you to find something else to do to spend time together.
NTA. You’re not obligated to suffer through a hobby you hate just because your mom likes it. Wanting a connection with her is valid, but it has to be something you enjoy too. Tell her you’d still like to spend time together—just not with a golf club held hostage against your will.
If you still want to play golf with your mother, but not have lessons, and therefore not be a member of the club; ask your mother to research pay-and-play golf sites and play there if they exist near where you live.
Or tell her you will only play mini-golf!
You’re NTA. 5 years of doing something you hate just because your mom wants to spend time with you doing something **she** likes is way beyond the call of duty.
She should be learning to like one of your interests, or at least find a compromise with something both of you can like.
NTA.
Did she ever try to show interest in one of your hobbies?
NTA you’re just a kid who finally hit the limit of pretending to enjoy something you really don’t. It sucks that your mom tied the sport to bonding, because it makes you feel guilty for having your own preferences, but being honest doesn’t mean you don’t love her. You just don’t love golf. She might be hurt now, but that’s temporary; forcing yourself to keep doing something that stresses you out would’ve caused way more resentment in the long run. Let things cool off, then talk to her calmly and tell her you still want to spend time together just not through a sport that makes you dread your entire week.
Ur not the asshole. U’ve been doing a sport u hate for years just to make ur mom happy, and u finally hit your limit. That’s human. Ur mom is probably just processing it, not angry at u. U weren’t rejecting her, just the lessons. U set a normal boundary, and it doesn’t make u a bad kid.
NTA. You’re allowed to not like golf. Five years is a long time to do something you hate just to make someone else happy. You were honest with her which is better than faking it forever. Maybe you two can find something you both actually enjoy doing together.
You’ve put in your time and should not be forced to play. Yes, your mom’s feelings are hurt, but that doesn’t make you an AH. You are not responsible for her feelings, and yours are also important. Let her know that youd still like to play with her occasionally, and she can bring you as a guest. If she never plays with you again, then that’s her loss. I expect she’ll get over it eventually.
NTA. You did the right thing telling her how you feel. Her not talking to you is passive aggressive. I’m sure she’s shocked and maybe hurt, but it’s worth conversing feelings and other options for you two to enjoy together. Unfortunately, you may have to be the one to initiate this instead of her, but do try, if that’s something you want. If you want space for now, then don’t pressure yourself to jump into another joint hobby, if you’re too busy with school. Weigh it out, take your time. Be open and honest with her, and listen to her too. Her feelings of surprise or sadness are valid, but being passive aggressive isn’t.
Dear, that is a perfect example of doing and putting up with something you dislike – – – until you explode and scream. Not the elegant way, but honest and sometimes necessary.
Now sit down with Mom, show respect for her passion for golfing but make it perfectly clear, that after 5 YEARS of trying you are done. Demand MUTUAL respect. Propose alternatives. Stay your ground. If you manage, do not shout. If mother does, she has to grow up biiig time. HUG.