I’ve always been bad at math because when I was in primary school my math teachers would punish me, and it left me a bit traumatized. In grade 11, I explained everything to my math teacher. I told her that I’m not very good at math and shared my past experiences.
She said she understood and that she would help me, and she was actually very sweet. I started improving, and I was proud of myself. But to her, apparently, it wasn’t enough. When my uncle died, I was crying at school. It was Monday morning, and my math teacher saw me crying and tried to "comfort" me. I told her my uncle had died. It turns out she’s friends with my cousin whose father had just died, and she knew our family and the house. She came to the funeral and pulled my cousin aside into a corner and started telling her about my bad grades. Excuse me, respect the place and respect my cousin. Her father had just died and you’re talking to her about my grades? My cousin told her, "Her sisters are here. Talk to them." But my math teacher said, "No, I don’t want to embarrass her."
So you’re okay embarrassing me in front of my dad’s family but not my sisters? The next day at school I went to talk to her and told her she had no right to do that.
I’ll admit I was a bit rude. Am I the asshole for yelling at a teacher?
NTA – honestly, you should be taking it to the principal… teachers can’t discuss things like grades with anyone outside the student and their parents/guardians only. Schools in the US, list grades by ID number even
She crossed a huge boundary talking school stuff at your uncle’s funeral, yelling might’ve been heated but your feelings are 100% so NTA for me.
I feel like there is some context missing regarding your teachers conversation with your cousin but giving you the benefit of the doubt, not appropriate conversation for a funeral. However, you having a hissy fit over your grades at the funeral speaks louder in my opinion.
Both the asshole but my gut tells me it’s mostly you.
I was nice to her I even apologized afterward and she just shrugged and left, which actually made me dislike her even more. She had the chance to talk to my sisters, but she chose to talk to my cousin, who had no business being involved in this.
Fake as hell
I promise it’s not
NTA, and definitely find a way to report that behavior to a principal or admin. that’s incredibly inappropriate and she needs to be put in place by her boss so she doesn’t continue crossing boundaries.
NTA, she was wrong.
Although her intentions of wanting to see her student achieve certain expectations may have been good, she overstepped your privacy. Your student progress should only be discussed with your caregivers and you, no one else.
You have a choice whether you want to pursue the matter with the principal or speak to her again about her breaking teacher/student privacy. Decide what you would like to achieve with either option. Do you want her punished or would you like her to acknowledge her error in judgement? I don’t know how she can rectify beyond agreeing not to do it again. Maybe someone else has further ideas on that.
Either way, it may be a good idea to have your caregivers schedule a meeting/Zoom with her and let them hash it out rather than you as she usurped their authority. If I were your parent I would feel it is my job to settle this. You are still considered a minor and as such the adults should deal with this.
As to tone – Understandably you were upset when speaking with her but she is still owed as respectful a tone as is humanly possible. She is a teacher after all. She didn’t do this out of malice. One with unregulated emotions will yell (your family just died and she broke your privacy so definite reasons for anger) – if this is a teaching moment for a 17yr old – you can try to process your feelings and ask mature adults for advice on how to handle a matter before you confront someone so you are proud of your self-control after the fact. Yelling does not make for good relations (and she will be your teacher until your course is done) and never solves anything.
She needs to be reported to the school administration
NTA. bringing up your grades to your cousin at a funeral is honestly wild behavior, that’s not the time or place for that at all. yeah yelling isn’t ideal but you were grieving and she crossed a pretty big boundary first.
If this took place in the US your teacher violated several privacy laws.