I got off a shift and spontaneously met two of my friends at the end of their lunch just as they were about to get the check. They were digging around in their bags and came up with about $40 in cash + gift card, put it down and then went to the bathroom while I stayed behind to watch their bags.
While they were getting out their money I heard them say something about not being sure about whether they had “enough,” so I had asked if they wanted a little cash for the tip or something just to help out, but they just waved me off. Something felt off so I decided to peek at the total while they were away- even though I knew it was none of my business- the food was something like thirty nine dollars and some cents, so they were about to completely stiff the waiter. They wouldn’t have had to look him in the face when he got back because they’d gone to the bathroom, but now knowing that they stiffed him I just could not possibly do that, it felt so uncomfortable and wrong. It’s just not how I was raised to not tip, and even though I didn’t know how good the service had been, it’s just never acceptable to me so I put down a $10 and didn’t tell them.
As we were walking out, one of them say to the other how “it’s fine because he didn’t even say hi to me and he just immediately took my order,” “he was so rude,” something like that. I’m sure that this was just her trying to justify stiffing him, but now I’m doubting what I did- I wasn’t there for the meal so could they have been valid in their decision? Could I have been overstepping and trying to impose my own moral values on them when they may have different ones? It’s hard for me because they didn’t find out and so it was harmless, but also I feel like I overstepped and treated them like they couldn’t make their own decisions.
This is a smaller example, but it touches on some themes of money/ generosity related tensions I’ve had in this friendship so curious what you guys think is the right angle here
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NTA as long as you don’t tell them what you did, they might see it differently. You gifted $10 to a stranger (the server) you didn’t pay their bill
NTA . Waiter may have recognized them from previous trips and expected no tip – I agree with tipping . And ten $ seems much better than zero . It’s never wrong to Do The Right Thjng 👍🏼
Deleting my responses to people’s comments cus I keep agreeing with both sides and lowkey changing my mind every time
😂
NTA was it an overstep? yeah. Was it imposing your own beliefs on the situation? yeah. But It also wasn’t an asshole move. If you berated them for how they tipped without seeing the service then you would be an asshole. As it stands at worst you’re a bleeding heart.
I thought you were going to say they ran out without paying the bill. Not a big deal and you’re overthinking it. NTA unless you tell them about it.
NTA not all heroes wear capes.
Unfortunately your friends are going to do this again but you can’t change them.
Anytime I’m around someone who tips like this I tend to not respect them as much and distance myself from them. A bad tipper is the same as someone who’s mean to the wait staff imo. Just gross.
Some context: want to emphasize this is not a typical dynamic of our friendship, with me being the overly nice/ innocent one who disapproves of her friends and is extremely moral or something, it’s just the one thing I can never get past- anything else is fine but I work in the service industry and so did most of my family, it’s never crossed my mind not to tip. I’m no saint, we shoplifted from the mall later in all honesty, I’m usually such an enabler so I’m uncomfortable w this feeling
Also I’m not any wealthier or less wealthy than my friends are if this is a factor
NTA
You did it discretely and didn’t bring up the discussion with your friends.
The waiter got a tip.
You did a good deed for the day.
Your friends are blissfully unaware.
By the sounds of it though, your friends didn’t have enough money and then tried to justify not tipping. Not the other way around. So I think it was good that you did what you did.
NTA but I wouldn’t tell your friends you did that.
NTA. You did what you felt was the right thing to do never doubt yourself
Nta