My daughter is in cheer club and is working towards trying out for the cheer team. I was blissfully unaware of how cut throat and time consuming this extra curricula activity was for a 12 year old. We received the information from the coach and my mouth dropped to the floor. The time commitment and the fees had me stunned. I don’t want to commit every weekend, week night, and summer to this. I told my daughter no. I told her what we would all have to give up – day trips, family vacations, hobbies, and other clubs – and she was disappointed. My husband says “let her try out” but I don’t want our family to have to make such a huge sacrifice for cheerleading. And I want her to be able to explore other interests. Then there’s the cost! Good lord!
For parents out there who do this, are there any regrets? Is it better to let your kid be disappointed? I hate to see her so sad because she loves it but it’s all consuming and I don’t think she realizes it.
Concerned mom
NTA Honestly I don’t think you’re selfish; competitive cheer really can become a huge time and money commitment, and it affects the whole family, not just the kid. That said, maybe there’s a middle ground? Letting her try out doesn’t always mean fully committing yet, and sometimes experiencing it firsthand helps kids understand the reality. Either way, it sounds like you’re coming from concern, not control.
NTA. If you’re not going to let her do it, don’t let her try out. It’s absolutely rational to not do this. Maybe find an option that works in your schedules. We’re in the same situation with another sport and drew a hard line at the hyper competitive version. Unless they show a specific and very high capacity for something, being realistic is tough love.
NAH. Youth sports can be huge commitments and not just for the child, but the whole family. Can you look into another program for her?
You are not selfish. Setting boundaries around time, money, and family balance is responsible. A 12 year old can be disappointed without it being the end of the world, and there will be other interests to explore. Prioritizing your family’s well being doesn’t make you a bad parent.
It is possible for a kid to ask too much time and money commitment from the parents and the rest of the family.
No is a perfectly reasonable answer when the sacrifices of others is too great.
You will have to give her a detailed reason as to why though. She deserves to get more than a simple no.
As someone who had two children go through youth sports programs I feel your pain. It completely destroys family time. There are no family dinners (you will always be at practice), there are no family vacations (there are tournaments and exhibitions that cost in the thousands twice a season) and everything else the family wants (including other siblings) takes a back seat to the sport. The other parents are usually horrible to hang out with, as they are all bitter about the cost and assuming their child will get a scholarship as repayment. If you do not go “all in” the coaches will target your child by benching them for not being a dedicated teammate. You are not selfish, you are self aware. Having said that, you are in a no win situation because there is no way to explain this to your child and have them believe you. I can barely get grownups who haven’t experienced it to understand what travel youth sports has become. Your best bet is to try it for a year and make her do every piece of it. No getting out of it on nights she’s tired or doesn’t do well. Make her skip the friends sleepover that conflicts with practice. Most likely within a year she’ll be sick of it and then you don’t have to be the bad guy. NTA
I mean, I’m not gonna call you an asshole, but I do want to offer the perspective of a kid who wasn’t allowed to do extracurriculars (in my case gymnastics) because it went against my parents’ priorities.
It sucked. I missed out on the opportunity to explore something I was interested in and early steps toward an identity independent from my family, and I’m now 31 and still interested….but nobody wants to teach a 31-year-old beginner gymnastics. Obviously, there were things I did as a child that I enjoyed and wouldn’t have been able to do with an all-consuming sport, but I’m not the one who made the decision for that trade-off. Why can’t you let her try out? That’s not a commitment, and hey, if she tries out and doesn’t make the team, then you don’t have to be the bad guy.
It sucks that we don’t have casual extracurriculars and sports for kids, though. You’re NTA, the way we’ve decided to handle childhood activities as a society is.
I agree regarding extracurriculars, but I think this mom is talking about one of those competitive cheer teams. And the time commitment and the money for these things is just ridiculous.
When my daughter was 5 years old – 17 years ago so keep that in mind when I quote these prices- they wanted almost $2000 USD for one summer cheer season for her a 5yo!! That didn’t even cover all costumes, team jacket, etc etc (and since we had to pay over $300 for one dance outfit in a different club,, I could see where this was going).
Extracurriculars are great. Allowing your child to experience to find their passion is wonderful, and I let my daughter explore everything.
But committing those types of resources before your child’s really had an opportunity to try out different things, and sacrificing the rest of the family’s free time, and money that may need to be spent on the other children – I understand where OP’s coming from
Totally, and if the cost (financial or time) is too much, then it’s too much! It just sucks so much for a child to have to give up something they love entirely because there’s no way to do it in a part-time and financially accessible way. Not OP’s fault, obviously
NTA. I had to do this with cub scouts for my son. It wasn’t quite as intense as what you’re describing, but the COST was ridiculous, and every “activity” they did was just another fundraiser that required spending your whole weekend trying to sell overpriced stuff to strangers. And if you didn’t earn enough with each fundraiser, you had to pay the difference out of your own pocket.
We did one year and stopped. My son loved the camping and the pinewood derby and all that, but those activities were few and far between. We pulled him out after that. He was disappointed, but I’m not spending hundreds of dollars a year for my son to hock wreaths and popcorn every weekend.
NTA. Some of these extracurricular have become ridiculous these days. I don’t think it’s good for the kids. I think this is a healthy boundary for your family.
My daughter did travel soccer for 5 years, stopped after 8th grade, we lost so much time going to tournaments, driving to games, dealing with parents and teammates with horrible personalities, bullies, etc. It wasn’t worth it. But it did help my daughter become a better person because she learned how not to treat people.
Have you looked into rec cheer? Usually they do sideline and a few competitions. It’s not year round so she could do fall season or winter season. You usually pay a one time fee, they give you a uniform.
All Star cheer is the more intense version that is year round basically, practice 3-4 times a week, $700 uniform, fees like $300/month.
Also, if they have siblings it can lead to resentment. My sister was on a competititve soccer team and my parents would have to take us all on out of town/state matches. I was bored and wanted to hang out with friends but we had to sit and watch all matches. Was nice when I had my own matches in town and one parent would go and I could stay home. Sucks when you’re told can’t hang out with friends, we are traveling. Again. Year after year.