I have a buddy who I’m absolutely furious with. He’s making his groomsmen buy suits instead of going to a men’s warehouse and get rental for the wedding. I’m lucky enough to be standing in it but I just don’t think it’s right to ask us to buy instead of rent. Like i get it if one of us really liked it and go ahead and buy it but i feel like I shouldn’t be forced into buying if I don’t want to. I tried talking to him on this but he won’t budge. We gotta fork out this money for the suit and fork out the money for the bachelor trip and I gotta get a wedding gift as well. I asked him if I do buy this suit is he going to cover the costs to get it tailored and he said no because he’s already covering the socks and ties for us. Am I over reacting or being reasonable?
Info: is the suit a particular color or style that isn’t available to rent? How would he know if you rented rather than purchased? It’s not uncommon for people to have to buy bew clothes to be in weddings. It’s not uncommon for folks to chip in on bachelor’s trips. It’s expected that there be gifts. I understand your frustration with spending a bunch of money on being in the wedding. If you don’t want to spend this money, you can politely decline the groomsman invite and attend as a guest.
Yes, bridesmaids typically buy dresses and shoes and pay for special hair treatment and make up. Groomsmen get off easy in comparison. But expectations are getting ridiculous – destination multi-day bachelorette and stags which friends are asked to fund.
This would be a hard no for me. If you do end up caving atleast tell him that’s his wedding gift. But don’t cave. You won’t respect yourself if you do.
INFO: how much is the suit he’s requesting you to purchase? How much is suit rental in your area?
NTA. If you want to rent you should be able to rent, since you are paying for it.
NTA but just rent the suit without telling him. What’s he going to do? He has no way of knowing in the first place.
Our groomsmen purchased a suit because it was like $40 more than renting. We polled them and that’s what they wanted.
Being in a wedding is expensive. You sound resentful for having to “fork out” for suit, bachelor party and gift.
Be thankful you’re not a bridesmaid, who traditionally pay for a shower, shower gift, bachelorette, bachelorette bling, bridesmaid dress, shoes, hair, makeup, and wedding gift. Sometimes tanning, shower favors, shower game prizes, and nails.
“We gotta fork out this money for the suit”
No, you don’t. Not sure why you consider being a groomsman in this wedding “lucky”.
Tell him that you won’t be able to be a groomsman because you decline to buy the suit. Wait for the other groomsmen to applaud you.
NTA, but tell him now so that he can replace you if that’s his wish.
NTA it should be personal choice, as long as the groomsmen are wearing suits of choice that should be enough. Who cares if bought or rented.
Info how will he know if you purchased vs renting and how is he enforcing this? Let me also say as someone who’s been a bridesmaid I’ve had to buy several dresses. At least you all will be able to wear your suits other places.
INFO: How much does the suit cost? Are we talking about a reasonably priced suit, and possibly one you could wear again in future, or some outrageous designer price for some purple monstrosity that makes you look like The Joker?
I’m honestly leaning towards Y-T-A because the irony of a groomsman being *absolutely furious* at having to buy the appropriate clothes to stand up at a wedding, when it’s literally been a trope for decades that bridesmaids not only have to buy expensive dresses for the same situation (except in places like the UK where the social standard is that the bride and groom cover the expense), but dresses that are often awful, unflattering, and will never be worn again … well, it’s pretty damned amusing that you’re so “furious” and offended at something women have been having to do forever.
Ultimately, if the price is reasonable for what you’re buying, Y-T-A. Being able to rent your outfit as a groomsman is a lovely privilege that y’all have gotten so used to that you actually find it offensive that it might not be an option, but it *is* a privilege, not a given. And no one is making you be in the wedding party. You’re an adult, you can say, “I’m sorry but I have to decline, I can’t afford this.”
You can also say that about a bachelor trip that is simply not within your budget.
But the fact that you’re complaining about literally *every* expense as a groomsman, including “having” to buy a wedding gift for someone you’re presumably close friends with, doesn’t reflect well on you. Again, no one made you be a part of this, and your outrage seems outsized relative to the issues. Not wanting to do something doesn’t actually mean that you’ve been terribly wronged.
This is exactly the expectation on bridesmaids. It’s ok to respectfully decline to participate in the wedding party and instead attend as a guest.
Yeppp. I politely declined being one of my best friends MoH because she planned a wedding with 2 months notice and the dresses were way out of my budget. She completely understood and I attended as a regular guest. If he gets that upset with you, maybe the friendship isn’t worth it. If they want the wedding party to buy the suits, then they can buy them for you or find other groomsmen.
NTA He’s being unreasonable. Either you back out of the groomsman role completely or you buy the suit, come down with a really bad cold right before the bachelor trip (and stay home) and offer a reasonably-priced wedding gift.