Hey all,
HELP PLEASE: I’d love some input here, even though it’s a pretty silly argument, so sorry in advance, but here we go:
My wife (38) and I (41) both work full time. I work remote mostly (as a city planner…); she works in office and travels in addition to remote. Because of that (and my own desire), I’ll cook dinner most days. The kids (6b, 3g) have sports/activities Tuesday & Thursday. Most days of the week my wife’s mom picks the kids up from school around 3pm and watches them with their granddad until 6pm.
Sometimes they come home at 6 starving, and I’ve made dinner for two.
Sometimes they come home at 6 full, ate dinner at their grandparents, but I made dinner for four.
To avoid this problem, I asked to know in advance if their grandparents will be feeding them dinner on Wednesdays before dropping them off. **That’s the whole argument.** I want to know a few hours in advance, so when I’m planning dinner, I know.
My wife says it doesn’t matter, the kids might eat or might not irrespective of eating at their grandparents, she doesn’t care about prep (since she doesn’t cook most meals I get that), and that fundamentally it does not matter. Being someone who plans for their job, it carries into my home life… I want to know in advance. This might go deeper into our respective family’s dinner planning as kids I guess. Family meals on weeknights were a huge deal at my house, less so hers (because of sports), so I’m sure that’s a factor.
**TLDR: I’m asking for their grandmother to text me in advance if she plans to feed my kids dinner on Wednesdays**. So am I the a$$hole? Do I care too much about feeding them? Is a free meal great no matter what? I don’t think it’s too hard to text, but my wife absolutely thinks they don’t need to.
NTA, it’s not that hard to update the parents of the kids you’re watching. However, why wouldn’t you always just make enough for 4 and take leftovers for lunch the next day?
Pick them up before you prep dinner and then you’ll always know.
it seems pretty reasonable to want a heads up, especially if you explained it to their grandparents the way you did here. That it’s not an attack or an ask for her to stop, just wanting to know in advance so you can plan the family dinner accordingly. I don’t know why your wife would be so against it when it’s a simple ask. So. NTA
NAH. It’s just basic coordination to avoid wasting food/effort. I fail to see what could be possibly problematic about this unless there’s something else to the story
Simply have leftovers. You’re complicating something simple. They won’t always know hours in advance whether the kids will eat or not. Their plans change, kids are unpredictable. Be flexible.
YTA
It’s one day a week. Prep for 4 and freeze the rest or have it the next day.
She could make them dinner and they decide they don’t want it and then come home hungry despite telling you she’s given them dinner.
I think it’s a fair ask. It takes 10 seconds for them to text you and saves you hours of prep in the long run .
NTA. They have to do the simple task of texting you to save you potentially having to make a whole extra meal later if you cooked for two, or not end up with extra food that isn’t needed if you cooked for four. The effort you’re asking from them is tiny compared to the effort it would save you. It isn’t an unreasonable request at all.
NTA, but…..very possible Grandma doesn’t plan to feed them. They say we’re hungry and she cooks something up. If they don’t get hungry, she waits. Now what? You get mad she fed the babies when they asked?
This is not the hill to die on. Request that grandparents give you a heads up, or better yet check in with them daily for a response. But don’t get upset if there is some days you cook for 4 and the kids already ate. Leftovers are great to have on hand
Grandparents are providing daycare, chauffeur services AND sometimes feeding your kids??! You are blessed.
NTA there is nothing wrong with requesting some communication.
But if you make it and no one eats it, do you save the leftovers? Will someone eat the leftovers? Take it for lunch? In my house, uneaten dinner becomes tomorrow’s lunch. Cooking is never in vain but I love leftovers.
Just because grandma plans to serve the kids food that night, doesnt mean the kids will actually eat it. If they dont, you will have a dinner for two and need a dinner for four. Grandma wont be able to give you enough notice that they didnt eat what she served.
During growth spurts, the kids might eat at grandma’s and then Lso want to eat when they get home.
Its possible that as a planner, youll have to learn to let go a little as you add kids to the mix. Kids dont always go to plan, even when you’ve made a good plan.
NAH just for asking but as others are saying, you’re really over-complicating things for yourself.
It’s one day a week. What difference does it make if the kids come home full? Just freeze what they don’t eat for later.
Not the AH, but this is not an argument you need to have. Just plan on meals for 4. If the kids eat, fine. If they don’t, you have leftovers. Gove up s lityke of that control, dad. It’s gatd, but will make relieve done of that stress.
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