I’m a woman in my mid-20s. About a month ago, a guy I was seeing ended things. It was short-lived and we were never official, but there was an emotional connection and insane physical chemistry.
What I’m struggling with is how intense that chemistry was. When we were together, it honestly didn’t take much for my self-control to disappear. We could be out having a drink, talking, or just sitting next to each other (especially after wine) and I’d just want to be close to him. Wanting to kiss him, lean in, etc.
I’ve dated before and been in relationships, but I’ve never felt that level of pull toward someone. Ive never been the initiator either. It wasn’t about either of us being especially “skilled" intimately, I was just really into him. And what’s messing with my head is that the feeling never faded while we were seeing each other, even though it didn’t last very long.
Logically, I get why things ended and I know I want a long-term relationship. Emotionally and physically, though, I still really miss that connection. Part of me feels shallow for that, and part of me sometimes wonders if, because the physical connection was so strong, it could’ve worked long-term … even though I know chemistry alone isn’t enough. I also catch myself worrying that I won’t feel that sexually compatible with someone else again.
So: Is this kind of chemistry rare, or pretty common? Did you ever reach back out after something like this ended? How did you move on when your head knew it was over, but the chemistry was still there?
Why did you have to end this? Why not continue it?
I wanted a long-term relationship, but I started getting the vibe he was more into something casual. Instead of communicating that well, I kind of freaked out and think I pushed / scared him away, and he ended things
Oh my. Is there a chance you could salvage this? I mean it sounds like there was mutual attraction. Love like that is worth fighting for.
On my end, yes, but it really feels like the ball is in his court if that would happen
you’re asking a men’s sub and getting strong suggestions to reach back out. Do it, even if the ball is on his court. better be clear about how you feel now instead of wondering what-ifs later!
Call him and tell him exactly this.
Then at least you will know the truth if he is not interested and it might help bring closure.
If he is interested then maybe you can be together
You just go meet another man and do the same.
Ive dated around 20 girls in my life (more than a few dates i mean), and felt this maybe 3 times. Its not common, but it is out there. The issue is this chemistry alone is not enough to maintain a healthy, long term relationship. So you can obsess about this guy as long as you like, but I guarantee the cracks would’ve begun showing after a few more months.
Yup. It’s rare enough to be remembered fondly, and when it ends, you do tend to idolise the person and the connection when in reality, you just needed more time to discover who they truly were beneath the chemistry and deep connection.
This is why I practice detached from the outcome. Acceptance when things end, and also I have a hyper attention to staying in the moment. Because you never truly know whether that would be the last time you’ll see them.
Overall, accepting things have ended is beneficial for you. Process it and then move forwards. Keep moving forwards, never look behind.
If they reappear again later in your life, great but don’t count on it or hope for it. Reconnections are rare due to timing and availability.
I’m a guy in my 40’s who sees love and relationships like a puzzle.
We’re all born wanting our own puzzle to come out looking good and complete, and since our happiness becomes reliant upon others, we’re born with a few puzzle pieces missing.
Sometimes we meet someone that appears to both fit and match the image for our puzzle, but the piece doesn’t fit.
But we want the puzzle to be complete—we want the hole to be filled so badly we press the piece down, we make it fit.
The people not meant for us are those pieces. Sometimes it seems like they fit right away, and it takes a while to realize the image isn’t matching up. Sometimes you go in thinking the image fits, so you completely ignore that the piece doesn’t fit. But in the end, if it’s not meant to be, it’s not. The hope is that as with anything else negative in life, you can come out a stronger and wiser person, having learned from the situation. Learning about relationships, learning about what you want out of one, learning how to cope with unrequited love.
26y later and I have not gotten over it.
I had a relationship like this in my 20s. I was totally infatuated with my GF, but she broke it off. Then I semi-dated a good friend, but she wasn’t ready for my intensity, so she set up a party for me and my GF to get back together.
So, I was back with infatuation…for about 3 months. Then she broke up with me again. Eight months later, she came back for more. That lasted about a month, then it was over…
…for about eight years. Her marriage was starting to go down the drain, so she reached out to me…again.
By then I was with my good friend again, who I was deeply in love with. So, this time I declined the old GF for the love of my life.
So, to sum up — find a new love of your life.
You were infatuated, he was not. Do yourself a favour and forget about him.
It’s exactly what you said it was – chemistry. Hormones in your body sent you signals that this person was good to procreate with. You’ll find it again.
I’m sorry OP, I know that pain.
There is no clear cut way to get over it.
each of these encounters becomes a vehicle for us to lean into the mystery of this human experience.
Just don’t let it destroy ya!