Today I had a good (second) date with a compatible lady. At some point I wanted it to end. Is this ok or am I being an idiot?
The date went way past the time I envisaged as I also wanted to use my free day for myself (we both work a lot and coincidentally got the same day off).
The thing is I didn’t realise this during the date. I’m not very good at identifying my needs immediately not mention expressing needs the very moment they occur.
Towards the end I started to be less talkative and felt the urge to leave. I think she noticed and also did not understand where it was coming from and I did not either at the time. So we said our slightly weirded out good byes and I left with a negative sentiment.
It is only now that I realise: I felt guilty about the fact that the conversation started to flow less easily towards the end and because deep down I had a desire to also go about my other plans that day. So below the line we turned out spending the whole day together instead of only a date.
So: is it ok for me to set limits to my time spent on a date and openly communicate it? Or what’s the rules here?
Yes it’s OK.
There are no rules. If there were they would all be written up in a book they give you at puberty.
Absolutely, especially if you have other priorities. Simply says, ” this has been amazing but unfortunately I have to get going. When are you free for us to meet again, I’d love to see more of you.” If she’s interested and invested she’ll give you a day or time frame.
I mean it is okay to state, oh I have some errands to run since it’s my only day off this week.
I think the way it went down is awkward, so I would reach out and talk to her about it (not via text, call her). If you need some talking points, write a few down.
Explain you enjoyed your time with her and you got carried away and didn’t realize how long you had spent with her and had errands to run. Apologize for ending the date with a negative vibe. It’s an easy fix.
Words of wisdom, especially if it was going well and you are interested in pursuing a possible relationship!
Ive done this a few times usually cause I had explosive diarrhea.
Yes, but you should say on the beginning of the date day that you will need to cut out to blah blah blah…
That stops the awkward sorry I didn’t let you know earlier but I got to go, moments.
Yes, much better to end on a good note.
There’s nothing wrong with ending the date at some point. You can of course communicate that up front (that you need to go at a certain time), but it’s also fine to just end it politely at some point. This doesn’t even have to be because you have important plans or something. If you want to relax at home after the date that’s also fine.
Kinda sounds like you’re way overthinking it all.
When it comes to the end of the date feeling a bit awkward I would just make sure you follow up. Maybe explain that you felt it was a bit awkward at the end, because you had forgotten the time, but that you really enjoyed the date and would like to plan another one.
Spell out your intentions before the date.
It’s going to end sometime. I’m not a person that rambles on and on so I will probably run out of things to say sooner than anyone. I used the opportunity to set up the next date if I was so inclined for more dates with that person.
You need to be better and expressing your thoughts better. There is nothing wrong with telling a date that you have other things planned later and need to cut the date short.
Sounds like adrenaline or social battery ran out? Or just other time pressures stressing you.
Still salvageable if you like her
Yes and no. It’s good that you know your own boundaries and put your needs first. But you were on a date. When you plan a date, your focus should be on the woman. That doesn’t mean you have to ignore your own needs, but you do need to learn to make compromises; otherwise, it’s not going to work.
Yes it’s totally fine. It’s very normal to want to end a conversation at a certain point, it doesn’t mean you weren’t enjoying the conversation. There is no “rule” but when you feel that “urge to leave” (which, again, is totally normal), thats a good time to start looking for a natural pause in the conversation and then say something like “this was really great! I need to get going, but Im wondering if we could see eachother again?”. That will end the date on a good note.
Here is what a “natural pause” looks like: She might stop asking questions, or end a story without starting a new one. You can also create a natural pause by doing the same thing. It’s a normal cue we give each other to signal that the conversation is winding down. You can also glance at your phone and comment that you lost track of time. That’s another cue. If that feels weird, you can also look for structured stopping points. Like if you are out to eat, you can end the date when the bill comes. If you are having coffee, you can end the date when you’ve finished your coffee, etc.