17M. My little sister (6) is really attached to our dad. He’s in rehab to quit drinking. She’s been getting mad (will even start throwing things), screaming, crying, won’t go to sleep at night, will refuse to eat, and keeps saying she misses him and wants him to come home. Our mom tries to get her to calm down and behave, but it doesn’t really seem to be working out that work. She’s usually not like this at all and is really sweet and calm. What should I do? How do I make her feel better/comfort her and get her to stop behaving this way?
You acknowledge her feelings. Talk to her. She doesn’t get why her dad is gone. Shes not misbehaving, she is sad, and scared, and feels abandoned.
I’m sorry to hear. At 6 she’s not able to process what’s going on. She may not have the ability to express her emotions. Is a therapist an option? As for what you can do, maybe engage in her activities, coloring, counting clouds, and reading together.
You’re a good older sibling. She’s hurting. Try and ease her pain by getting at her level.
Good luck.
Sit down with her. Talk to her about dad being gone. Talk to her about how you miss your dad too, but he’s sick and needs to be where he is so he can get better. Talk to her about the days that dad acts weird and he’s not the same person that you both love. He left so he can stop being that person. He didn’t leave you, he had to take a break so he can fix that for himself, and needs time away with special treatment to fix himself, so he can come back and be the dad you love. Talk to her about how you both need to stay strong and be good while he is gone and not throw your own lives away because he had to go fix himself.
Edit:
He left because he loves us, Dad surely misses us every day. He only left because he wants to get better for you and mom and myself. Dad will come back when he’s ready, Eventually we will get to visit him, but not until the doctors tell us its ok. Dad will not be gone forever, dad will come home and hopefully be able to control himself better and be a better person for us.
Can you give your sister some special time and attention? You seem to be a great older brother, and I’m sure she would really appreciate that from your with your dad gone for now.
Don’t think about getting her to calm down. Think about activities and conversations that will bring you all together. She’s reacting to disruption in her world which makes her feel like she can’t really trust things anymore. She might like to write letters to her dad to encourage him to get better.
What has been explained to her and how?
I’m thinking telling her that daddy is away seeing doctors because he wasn’t feeling well, but that he’ll be back soon enough when he is all better.
Could even have one of her favorite dolls be a messenger to daddy. Have her tell her favorite doll that she misses him, take the doll with you to school or have your mom take the doll to work, then at night have the doll give her dad’s message back to her.
Maybe start writing letters to him. If he isn’t able to receive them, maybe save them to share with him when he comes home.
Get her to draw pictures of her daddy. Pictures of the things she can look forward to when he comes home- pushing on a swing, hide and seek- that board game she is terrible and hilarious at cheating !
Make him a necklace or a bracelet, something real that’s nearly him.
Can’t you go visit him?
I think, in addition to what everyone else has added, you gotta become her best friend. just hang out with her. take her mind off missing your dad. just be gentle and fun.
I know you’re a jr/Sr in high school, but she needs you right now. family is *everything.*
my brother is 12 years older than i am. nobody could calm me down like he could.
even if she just wants to curl up and cry. she desperately needs you to fill the gap for a while until your dad gets back on his feet.
neither of them will ever forget it. your sister will thank you for the rest of both your lives.
maybe the bond will help you, too.
Just curious, why ask “men’s advice” on how to support a sister? Honest question.
She is 6. Show her kindness and patience and listen try to distract and spend time with her
She’s expressing her feelings in the way she knows. Don’t stifle her. Ask her to talk to you about her feelings. Validate her. Offer to do something g energetic to work her feelings out. Take her to go play wall ball or batting practice or bowling. Something loud that involves throwing things.
I don’t know her, and can’t give any specific advice.
You do know her, and you’re the one with a chance of getting through to her.
I’d say the main thing to focus on are tangible wins. She’s not sleeping? That’s going to exacerbate any other problems. Try to make sure she’s getting plenty of sleep.
That won’t solve all of your problems, but it is a tangible thing you can do that could help some.
And, if you figure out enough ways to help a little, it might not be such a big problem anymore.
The other 80% is just saying the right thing. What would that be?
What’s she like? Is she the sort of person you can break out of a rage with a silly joke? Does she need to vent? Distraction? An appeal to her sense of duty to be tough? An appeal to her sense of kindness to be nice to people even though she’s having a tough time? Consequences?
Maybe all she needs is for someone to tell her that, while dad is gone, somebody else is in charge of the rules, and that has a double-impact effect of both clamping down on her bad behavior and, in a strange way, reassuring her that she’s safe, and order did not vanish just because dad will be away for a little while.
All you can do is brainstorm, try some approaches, abandon what doesn’t work and double down on what does.
That’s what parenting is always like anyway. You make your best guess using all of your smarts,, creativity, and dedication. You give it a shot, and you discover what works and what doesn’t.
But it really can’t be Reddit doing your brainstorm for you. You’re the only one, out of everyone in this thread, that knows your sister.