My therapist has mentioned several times recently (sometimes multiple times in one session) that their spouse was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Because of that, they’ve repeatedly said that I should get a mammogram. I’ve told them I’m sorry they’re going through this and that I do take my health seriously, but I’m not at the age where mammograms are typically recommended.
When I say that, they tend to double down and seem pretty defensive. I understand that they are dealing with these things in their personal life, and that therapists are human too, but this keeps happening.
I’ve noticed that I feel really irritated whenever this comes up. I’m also starting to dread therapy a bit, because talking about my own problems with someone whose spouse has cancer makes me feel uncomfortable, like my issues are trivial in comparison.
I know the obvious answer is to bring this up directly with my therapist. My question is more about whether it would be inappropriate or insensitive for me to say that this topic is making me uncomfortable. Their spouse has cancer, so it feels like saying their comments aren’t helpful might come across as lacking empathy.
The other part of me is feeling like this situation has really hindered the therapeutic relationship. Seeing the defensiveness and how the therapist just doubles down has me feeling like I don’t want to keep seeing them.
WIBTA for telling my therapist that I don’t want to keep hearing about their spouse’s cancer diagnosis, or told to get a mammogram? WIBTA for deciding to no longer work with this therapist?
Therapy is expensive, in money and in time. I think you WNBTA to request they stop bringing their personal life and opinions into your sessions.
If the boundary is not respected, you WNBTA for stopping working with the therapist.
NTA, the therapist is there to talk about your life, not theirs. While bringing it up once as a suggestion was normal enough, bringing it up over and over again is weird. I know it’s easier said than done, but I’d try to find a new therapist.
NTA – I would be finding a different therapist as well. I’d also be reporting them for basically turning you into a therapist…
I know nothing about my therapist (except from what I asked, like if he’s working in another structure).
Their job is to listen and guide, not give unsolicited advice.
NTA
Its not too inappropriate. Not sure it will go well though, judging by their defensiveness etc.
It would be enough for me to cancel the sessions. Its best to treat it as a service like any other.
NTA. Either find another therapist or ask them to pay you for the session.
NTA. I wouldn’t continue to work with this therapist. They don’t have any boundaries.
NTA
It has obviously hurt the relationship. You could try telling them, but it might not make a difference.
Definitely mention it if/when you change therapists.
Find a new therapist. This is bordering unethical, esp. the number of times it has happened.
Therapist here. What your therapist is doing is entirely inappropriate. As terrible a situation as this is, they shouldn’t be bringing their own life into therapy this way and they should *not* be offering medical advice.
Your therapist is putting you in an extremely difficult situation by forcing you to feel responsible for *their* well-being while considering what’s best for your own therapy. You should feel free to bring up any issue about your relationship with them without worrying about how it will affect *them.*
It would be entirely appropriate for you to bring this up — or to change therapists. If they’re not independently licensed, it would be a good idea to let their supervisor know what’s going on.
If you feel like you don’t want to keep seeing them, I’d recommend changing therapists. Your therapist may not be a bad person, but right now, unfortunately, they are not equipped to be working with clients.
You are clearly done with this therapist, they have very clearly stepped over the line with bringing personal issues to your appointment. I can’t tell you how little I know about my therapist’s personal life other than the odd vacation for scheduling conflicts. It sounds like they may be in shock and need a break. But that shouldn’t be mentioned frequently enough to make you uncomfortable. The only time they should be pushing you to seek medical attention is if you were worried about something wrong with you. That being said after my dad was diagnosed I told everyone in my life to get a screening.
NTA. If their spouse was an alcoholic and they were pushing you to give up alcohol you wouldn’t think twice about calling them on it or reporting them. Their issues are for them to speak to their therapist about not to burden you with. You’re paying them to help your mental health not make it worse. NTA
NTA. This is YOUR session, not theirs. You’re there to discuss your issues, not theirs. Yes, you need to address this directly with them. And if they won’t stop, that means they are not listening to you. Feel free to go elsewhere.
Your therapist is wildly inappropriate.
They certainly shouldn’t be discussing their partner’s health.