I’m on my second marriage. In my first marriage I had two daughters. Their father is still very much in their lives. No kids with the second marriage. My second husband made a mother’s ring that included mine, his, and my two daughter’s birthstones. I’m now getting divorced again. Second husband is requesting the mother’s ring back. Frankly, I won’t wear the ring again, but thought I could take the stones (minus his) and make into a necklace. And I really just don’t want to give it back and being petty, give in to his request. He hasn’t stated why he wants it back. I have already returned his family rings (engagement and wedding rings). But he says he wants all the jewelry that he gave me back. WIBTA if I didn’t return anything else?
NTA.
It was a gift. It belongs to you. You are under zero obligation to give it back – or any of the other jewelry he gave you.
I think it is good you gave any family heirlooms back but otherwise, nope. It is yours. Just as if he gave you any books as a present they would be yours. Jewelry is no different.
NTA. A gift is a gift. The only one that’s not truly a gift legally is an engagement ring, and for that different jurisdictions have different laws. But any other jewelry given to you was an unconditional gift that’s yours to keep.
ETA: asking for all jewelry he’s ever given you back is petty AF. You don’t have to do it. Obviously you’ll be negotiating assets in the divorce and may ultimately choose to, but you had zero moral or legal obligation to do so.
ETA2: Unless you’re a family law expert familiar with the laws of every possible jurisdiction as they may affect engagement rings, please stop with the AkShuAlLy comments re: engagement rings and re-read what I said. “Different jurisdictions have different laws.” this is a factually correct statement, and yes, there are circumstances and jurisdictions where an engagement ring remains a conditional gift even after marriage. I don’t know why people feel so strongly about this statement that they feel the need to make a million factually incorrect comments downthread, especially as it in no way affects the OP.
Even an engagement ring becomes her property once the engagement is “fulfilled”, as it were, and they are married. The only legal situation where a man might legitimately ask for it to be returned is if the engagement is broken. In this particular situation, he has no legal or ethical right *anywhere* to ask for its return.
In some jurisdictions, family heirloom rings are an exception to this rule and are ordered to be returned if the marriage breaks down.
But the Mother’s ring isn’t a family heirloom, it’s a regular gift, and almost all jurisdictions will allow her to keep it. She’s also not morally in the wrong for keeping it IMO.
The engagement ring is only a conditional gift until you get married. While it’s nice to return family heirloom rings, she was under no legal obligation do so since they got married and the condition was full-filled. This is why some people save those rings for female relatives instead of spouses of male children
In some jurisdictions, family heirloom rings are an exception to this rule and are ordered to be returned if the marriage breaks down.
But the Mother’s ring isn’t a family heirloom, it’s a regular gift, and almost all jurisdictions will allow her to keep it. She’s also not morally in the wrong for keeping it IMO.
Gifts are just that, gifts. The giver shouldn’t expect them back when the relationship runs its course.
He gave you the ring as a gift, so he has no ownership over it, and therefore cannot force you to “give it back”. He’d have no legal standing either to try and force you, because gifts are just that, gifts. You give someone something for them to now own, he didn’t lend it to you.
Your idea of the necklace sounds wonderful, so I’d do that! 🥰 Then, if you wanted, you could always give the remnants back to him. Though i’d hazard a guess that it wouldn’t go down too well, but then my petty ass would find great pleasure in that! 😅
Regardless, you’re NTA. It isn’t his property, so he can’t ask for it “back”.
ETA – Him asking for all the jewellery he ever gave you, is petty as hell, and also him probably trying to screw you over with assets in your divorce. Jewellery can be worth a decent amount, depending on the quality.
I wouldn’t give anything back unless you have sat down with your divorce lawyers and worked out who gets what, but even then, I don’t know if jewellery he GIFTED you would automatically be counted in that. It’s like you gifting him a belt or cuff links, then demanding you get them in the divorce.. It’s beyond pathetic and just vindictive, cause you would likely not use them. Plus, I’d have thought that you’d split mutual assets, not more personal things like jewellery. Personally i’d rope things like that in with things like my clothes and stuff.
But hey, I’ve never been divorced, and don’t know a huge amount about the legal side. 🤷🏻♀️ So just take my thoughts with a pinch of salt! Just be sure to get a lawyer to sign off before relinquishing anything.
The ring was a gift and is your personal property. He doesn’t get it back.
Do not give anything back that was a gift. It was very kind of you to return the family rings.
Returning the family rings was not just “kind;” it was the only right thing to do.
The rest of it belongs to OP.
Yeah, totally agree, family rings (or any family heirlooms for that matter) you give back, that’s the right thing to do. It’s still kind to do the right thing.
I would suggest to OP to sit down with her ex and talk about her proposal to give his stone back and make a necklace of the others. He might just agree after a friendly request and then no one needs to be the ‘petty one’.
Ugh… he really has no businesses asking for all those “gifts” back. What he gifted you is yours. He can’t take those back just because his feelings are hurt. Heirlooms is understandable, but gifts are not returned in divorces.
>He hasn’t stated why he wants it back. I have already returned his family rings (engagement and wedding rings). But he says he wants all the jewelry that he gave me back.
This is possibly the easiest NTA I have ever given here.
His reasons for wanting it back are utterly irrelevant. He has zero legal or ethical right to jewelry (or anything else) that he gave you as a gift. That is not how giving gifts works.
That he wants it is of no consequence or meaning. I want someone to give me a billion dollars; doesn’t mean I’m entitled to it.
While there may have been some question about the engagement ring – but even then, *only* if the engagement was broken – that is now moot both because you fulfilled the promise of engagement by marrying him, but also because you were generous enough to give those back without argument, despite the fact that he didn’t necessarily have any right to it.
He doesn’t get to ask you for things back that he gave to you as good faith gifts in the course of your marriage. That’s not a thing. I mean, okay, he can *ask*, but again, he has literally no right to any of it. Not from a legal standpoint, not from a moral standpoint … if anything, he is being spiteful and petty, and you have no ethical responsibility to feed into his bullshit.
If you want to keep the ring, keep the ring. Even if you never wear it again, it’s yours. THAT is how gifts work.