My lease at my apartment is up at the end of April. My sister, sister’s fiancé, his kid, my cousin, her boyfriend, my kid, and I are thinking about moving into a house together. I can’t afford to live on my own due to going to college and being a stay at home mom (currently). I found a 5 bedroom house that would make it so the kids have their own rooms and so do the adults. I brought it up to my sister which she thinks it’s a good idea. The house would be roughly $3,000/month (utilities and such within that price). If we move into the house, I can only work part time because I’ll have to watch the kids while everyone is at work or sleeping for overnights which was my idea. Well my cousin said her boyfriend was being persistent about living in a more expensive side of the city which would be over $3,000/month. We can’t afford that. My sister’s fiancé does make good money but that’s not on him. It would have to be divided equally among the adults. I told my cousin we didn’t want to live on that side of town due to price. She got upset and said I needed to talk to her boyfriend about it then. That’s not my responsibility imo.
WIBTA if I told her that she needed to talk to him or he simply couldn’t live with us? It would make the bills more expensive per adult which isn’t ideal.
If I were to tell her, how would I go about it? I don’t want to come off as one
The thing is if you’re all living together you will need to discuss things about money and rent that will eventually come up. Even though it’s not technically your responsibility, you guys need to come up with some sort “family meeting” way to talk about these things, bc if it’s not out in the open, it will get messier.
My cousin, sister, and I currently live together. My sister tells her fiancé any information about it. My cousin basically refuses to tell her boyfriend. When I brought up the location of the house, she told me she didn’t want to live by the community college but is okay to live by the community college on the other side of the city. He only wants to live on that side because it’s closer to his job. It’s understandable. It would be further for my sister who is the second in making the most income
The fact that you want to add more adults into this mess, with no actual income yourself, because you want to afford a house already makes it very weird.
Sounds very messy specially with family involved. NAH but maybe find a better solution
NTA
Tell the guy what the budget is for everyone else, if he finds a place and he can cover the remainder then good. Like if it has a large master with en suite then they’d pay a little more…. Although they are living with other peoples kids, so not sure that’s fair either. Generally you would pay more getting 2 rooms. Does your kid need their own room? Couldn’t they share with you?
My kid just turned 3. They continue to get into my personal belongings. I would have the kids share a room but one is a girl and the other is a boy. With me working part time, they would never have to watch the kids. My sister and I have decided they wouldn’t get the master because of how their past places have looked. I believe people can change but if all 3 of their past places have looked like that whenever they’re together… I’m not 100% sure
NTA. But this will never work out. If they separate consider a retry with just you and your sister.
It truthfully feels like my cousin and her boyfriend are trying to force their ideal place onto us. Like I get our current side of the city isn’t the best but for a house that big for less than $3,000/month, I think that’s a pretty good deal. Plus it’s with the same company as the current apartment
It would be best to do a group meeting with any adults that would be involved, especially because this is something big. It might feel uncomfortable but its the best way to clarify everything. Things tend to get “lost in translation” when you rely on others to deliver messages and misunderstanding can get blown out of proportion. If you are all planning to live together, having conversations about household stuff and bills will be the norm for everyone, and it doesn’t seem like you will be able to rely on your cousin to deliver important messages anyways.
I would love to do a group meeting. My cousins boyfriend just refused to come to the current apartment which I have no idea why tbh. Ever since she moved in last April, he’s only been here once
He doesnt get to call these shots anymore than you do. House vote is the only way.
The house vote is my sister, her fiancé, and I want the current house we’re living in. My cousin and her boyfriend want a house in the more expensive area. 3 is greater than 2. It feels like if we don’t go with what they want, they will decide not to go through with it
NTA
If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Where does he think the extra money is going to come from? What is there to talk about? Unless he’s going to be willing to make up the difference, I’m not sure what there is to talk about.
The only mistake you made was saying you didn’t _want_ to live on that side of town. That makes it sound like a preference. What you should have said is that you cannot afford to live on that side of town.
Simple answer seems to be that those who want to live in the new house go and live there. Those who don’t wnat to live there go and find their own accomodation. This shouldn’t be a message passing thing anyway. All the adults who are planning to move in together need to sit and have an adult conversation about how this would work.
The fact you want your cousin to talk to her boyfriend without getting involved makes you an AH here really so yes, YWBTA. Call a meeting with all parties involved and thrash out the particulars of how this would work, like adults planning to live together or call time on this idea. This really isn’t the time for message passing and you know that.