My 18 y/o cousin recently started living with us to my closer to his university.
He isn’t too much of a bother, but a big problem about him is that he doesn’t clean up after himself.
The thing that angered me the most was that he peed all over the toilet seat (front and back! the whole thing!). I thought he did it on purpose. I could understand forgetting a few drops, but not this.
I told him to lift the lid, and he seemed very embarrassed. I felt a bit sorry for him.
There is no pee on the on toilet seat anymore, but he does leave traces of crap in the toilet.
I don’t want him to feel embarrassed again. It mustn’t be nice to be lectured by a girl who’s younger than him, but I don’t want to clean up after him anymore.
Do I tell him bluntly like last time? Politely (if so, how)? Or just let it go?
I guess no one taught this giant baby not to piss on the toilet seat. Unfortunately, if you’re going to let him stay, you’re going to have to teach him. Be blunt, be direct, do not waver. Realize you are dealing with a toddler. Or, tell him to clean up or get out.
No that’s just basic life skills. Clearly hasnt been tought them, so time he learns
NTA,
it’s honestly just a common thing to clean up after yourself, and i totally get where you’re coming from, i’m the second oldest of three boys and my brothers cant seem to clean up after themselves even when I do ask politely. I’d say keep being blunt and eventually he’ll learn, or alternatively anytime you find a mess of his around the house (dirty dishes, dirty clothes, toilet seat disasters) politely ask him to clean it up right then and there yk
NTA, I do agree that no one is ‘at fault’ here?
You also deserve to live comfortably in your own home, though I see no error in correcting faults like these. I only think it becomes an issue if he continues to, regardless of you informing him. He’s 18, he’s learning.
NAH. He seems to be responsive. If you are polite all should be fine.
You are overdue for a rules of the house meeting. Since it is your place you get to make rules. If he wants to stay he needs to abide by them. Simple straightforward and non negotiable
It’s ok if he gets embarrassed.
Chore list. Some people need them. They haven’t a clue if mom or a housekeeper did all the chores.
Just matter of factly tell him that in your house, everybody’s responsible for cleaning up after themselves. That covers everything, not just the bathroom.
NTA, and if the behavior continues, you are within your rights to give him an ultimatum. Family can get tricky and i don’t know the dynamics, but he should be abiding by your conditions without teeth pulling.
NAH. He’s still young and boys his age are messy as hell. I know both my brothers were back then. My younger brother was a total freaking slob! He barely washed his own ass… Much less a toilet. Lol. But he finally grew out of that. Both my brothers did. I think it’s something that’s learned with time, along with a bit of direction. You could be the one to give him that direction. In a loving and sympathetic way, of course.
Perhaps you could pull him to the side while no one else is around and teach him how to do some stuff. You wouldn’t have to specifically call out the toilet incident. You could show him a few different things. Like how to put dishes away properly, how to sweep/mop, how to clean a toilet, etc. That way he learns and doesn’t feel attacked or embarrassed.
You are NTA and bluntly is the way to go. If you act like you it’s no big deal, just letting him know, and don’t act like it’s embarassing, he’s less likely to feel embarrassed. And your being matter of fact about it will help him as well.
Think about how you told someone something like “Oh, the recycling is over there” or “Water glasses are in the cabinet by the fridge” and mimic that tone and delivery. I had to learn this myself but I found it really helps a lot. Calm and “oh yea, don’t forget to do A” as if you just said “Oh yea, almost out of milk” can just cut down it being a problem on both sides.