I’m 33F, so I’m wondering if I’m just an old man yelling at clouds at this point. This is a long one due to my adding context, so TLDR at the end.
Where I live, I have a busy road in front of my house, and a big oval alley behind with a few houses. In the alley directly behind my house is my neighbor, Jack. Jack is in 60s and his adult son, Art, daughter in law and their kids have moved into Jack’s house.
Art has 5 children: 2 boys, 3 girls all in different ages, but definitely ranging from 5 to 13. I think only the 2 boys are Art’s biological children, and I mention this because the kids in question are only the girls. I’ve never seen Art redirect or discipline the girls. Unlike the boys, who Art usually steps in to parent and is more hands on. I’m not sure though.
I don’t know the wife’s name, or anything about her, but she really rubs me the wrong way. Aside from Wife being a bad dog owner, her girls are a handful. They run around the alley screaming and yelling, run through everyone’s yards, touching things in those yards. I’m all about kids having space to exist, but I think a lot of that involves being respectful and responsible.
They do not have permission to run amuck in my yard, or anywhere on my property. Neither I nor my husband have been asked or approached about permission.
Back on Halloween, it got dark and Art’s family congregated in front of my house on the busy road side. No big deal, it was dark and my porch light was bright enough to make it a safe place. Until Wife told her girls to run through my yard back to their house.
I stood up and said, “Please don’t, I don’t want anyone falling down the hill.” This hill in question is small, but extremely steep like almost a drop off. The ground isn’t level, and my dog loves to dig and we haphazardly fill in the holes because we don’t really care. So it’s not a safe place to be in the dark.
Wife didn’t like that, rolled her eyes and told them to use the access road to the alley instead.
Come this past weekend. Art is having a birthday party for one of the kids and they have an excess of young girls running around. And in my yard.
These girls were racing up and down the hill, hiding behind my garage, and generally playing in my yard. I asked my husband if they had permission, he said no, no one asked.
It really upset me. Not only am I worried about their safety, but any legal issues that might happen. And just ask! It’s not hard to catch me, I practically walk my dog every 30 minutes.
Would I be the asshole if I approach her and tell her I don’t want her kids in my yard for safety reasons and to protect myself legally?
I’m really worried she’ll make a fuss about me being a Scrooge and not letting kids play. I also don’t want her blasting/doxxing me on the internet.
TLDR: neighbor kids run amuck on my property. I’m worried about their safety and want to confront the mom to tell her to stop letting her kids on my property, but my husband says to let it go.
If you have the means, put up a fence.
I wish I did have the means, but we don’t at the moment. Believe me, I dream of a fence.
Look into how much the fence is by the section and either DIY or hire a handyman to do it. This is what we did and it wasn’t that hard. Maybe a hedge at the property line would be cheaper than a fence. Look online for fast growing ones!
It’s not free, but welded wire fencing and t-posts banged into the ground is cheaper than a lot of other options and would send the message you’re looking for, even if it’s not Better Homes and Gardens beautiful. If you go this route, it’s worth it to buy or rent one of the post drivers (basically, a big, heavy metal tube with one end sealed off and handles, you fit the open end over the end of the post and lift and drive it down, using the weight/momentum of the driver to bang the posts in). I got enough fencing, posts, and the wire clips you use to hold them to the posts to do 400 feet of fencing for maybe $500 (though that might vary), and it took me and my parents about four hours to put it up, though we ended up doing less than 400 feet.
If the place you put the fence gets decent light, you can train climbing plants to grow on it and it won’t look as country as it might otherwise.
I would phrase it as a safety concern to avoid the neighbour taking it personally. But definitely NTA
time for some DINK-action, build a fence
NTA – you are liable if they injure themselves on your property
NTA I bet if the kids hurt themselves in your yard their parents would be upset with you.
It doesn’t even matter if there is a safety issue. Unless there is some sort of legal right of way over your land they are not allowed on it at all.
Your husband needs to get a backbone and back you on this. Both of you go and tell Art and his Wife that none of their children are allowed on your property under any circumstance unless specifically pre-agreed.
NTA
NTA but you need to avoid dealing with the mother. Go directly to Jack with your husband. That way, Jack will see you’re a united front (it sounds like the daughter-in-law is making you out to be the bad guy). Also, because Jack owns the house and will have to deal with you and your husband after his son’s family leaves, Jack is likely to take your complaint more seriously than his son and daughter-in-law would.
I would say something like, “we’re so sorry to bother you. We know you must be dealing with a lot right now. But we need to ask if you could please keep the kids off our property. They’re full of energy and we don’t want them hurting themselves or damaging our stuff and the noise is a lot to deal with. Again, we don’t want to pile on on top of everything else you’re dealing with, but would really appreciate it if you could do something. To be honest, we haven’t had a great response when dealing with your daughter-in-law and that’s why we’re coming to you.”
If Jack has any sense, he’ll be grateful you’re going to him and will also understand how serious you are about needing a solution.
Wow, this is exactly what I needed! Jack and I have a great relationship, we’re really friendly and civil. I didn’t even think about talking to him. You’re awesome, thanks for the input!
I had a similar situation with my neighbor once and was able to work it out with the mother. However, you have very serious safety issues that make this a situation where, them not complying is not an option. You must not have a fence, it is time to install one. By not installing one, you set yourself up to be responsible for way more in legal fees if something happens to those kids in your yard. I hate that you can’t get the parents to handle the problem but, this is where you are and you can’t afford to just hope nothing bad happens. NTA
NTA but you are better off approaching your neighbor, the actual homeowner..depending on if you want to maintain a good relationship with them and avoid conflict.
Also, if fencing isn’t an option perhaps consider planting some native shrubs along the property line or where the hill is? It takes a little work but it’s cheaper than fencing, and plants always look nice.
Nta and definitely get a fence….. though do be aware they might then climb it to get in as my neighbours kid did when we put one up. He hadnt quite realised that it was there to keep him out, not as a fun obstacle course for him 🤦♀️
Fences make good neighbors. Its high time, put one in. The higher the better.